Thursday, June 07, 2012

Obsessive Compulsive Dutch People

We've been visiting France, and elsewhere in Europe, for years and the Dutch are the weirdest people on earth. It is a country of obsessive compulsives. They drive me mad! Their towns are so prissy and tidy they are like toy villages. And don't get me onto how bloody smug they are.

Then they come on campsites in France and pitch their caravans like they are in some kind of ideal caravan exhibition. Their awnings are as tight as bass drums whereas others, even the Germans', usually sag a little somewhere.

I swear their cars are so pristine that they don't even get wet when it rains. One Dutchman over the road from us even has a mat in his boot that he pulls over his bumper so that the dog can get out without leaving fur or muck on the bodywork. God forbid the dog has the trots en route, I swear he'd have to burn the car and buy another.

The people next door but one to us even have their little step at their door to their caravan on a mat. Not only that but they have two pieces of timber under the legs at one side so that the step is perfectly level as they are parked on a slight incline. I swear I saw him checking it with a spirit level.

They then seem to spend their whole holiday sat under their awning or cleaning their caravans and cars inside and out. They rarely seem to go out and explore.

They are especially fond of their matching exterior furniture which is always set in perfect position. Table and chairs absolutely geometrically perfectly placed, it makes me want to creep out in the night and put thir chairs at assorted angles. But I fear they may be driven to some kind of mental breakdown if I did.

The most annoying thing is they all have huge satellite dishes outside their caravans pointing at Hilversum. They can't bear to be without Ostenders or Oranjeboom Street or whatever crap television they produce, even on holiday.

They don't need an EU bailout, they need subsidising for a national psychiatric session.


Anonymous said...

Actually Ostend is in Belgium, but the impression I got from the Dutch was that they only watch subtitlted American TV. Also, never try speaking Dutch to a Dutch person, if you look white, they will only speak English to you (unless you have a French accent in which case they will speak French), but if you look brown (especially if you cover your head) then they will pretend not to understand English.

MikeP said...

That all being said, I do like a nice bit of Edam.

Gregg said...

Having emptied the EU Duvel lake dry in Ostend on several occasions, I'm perfectly aware that Ostend is in Belgium. I was actually combining 'ost' (east) with 'enders' to make my imaginary soap. Obviously too subtle.

I agree Mike, a bit of Edam goes down a treat. In mousetraps!!

And when you see a group of Dutch stood together they look eerily like models from a 1980s C&A catologue having a break from a photo shoot.