The Annual Police Terror

The late, great writer and humourist Aubron Waugh used to call Christmas the 'annual police terror'. Traffic police hunting in packs to try and track down evil motorists who have had a mince pie with a splash of brandy in it. Setting up road blocks in the morning trying to trap some poor hungover motorist driving to work but still carrying too much alcohol in his system from the night before. Well, just like the shops our wonderful constabulary have started Christmas earlier than ever this year.

Last night my wife was driving us through the centre of Lancaster when, some way ahead, we spotted a police Range Rover, all its lights flashing, pulling away after mithering a taxi driver. We carried on and after about half a mile the self same Range Rover appeared behind us, headlights and blue lights flashing away. My wife slowed down and pulled over but he stayed behind her so she turned a corner, out of the way, and stopped.

There then appeared what can only be described as an obnoxious pillock in a blue uniform who proceeded to patronise her and treat her like a piece of dirt. First he accused her of 'driving erratically'. When a spontaneous "are you joking?" came back to him he replied: " I can assure you I don't often make jokes". Now that I can believe as he did prove himself to be a humourless, self important egomaniac. He then changed the 'driving erratically' to 'veering towards the white line at one point'.

He was very angry that she quite obviously had been nowhere near alcohol that day, his little game was over and he wasn't happy. We eventually continued our journey after a further patronising lecture from our Keystone Cop. No doubt he took his anger out on the next poor motorist he decided to treat like dirt.

Shame how the real police usually appear so pleasant and helpful, although there are bad ones as in any walk of life, but I have yet to encounter a traffic cop who I would put out if he was on fire. An old pal, an ex bobby, once told me that the traffic police, at his station, had to have a seperate table in the canteen because the other police wouldn't sit with them. I can see why!