Happy Christmas To One And All

Annual Police Terror

Suspect left Berni Inn car park a minute ago.

The annual police terror has begun. Your employers will be sniffing you out for booze after lunch ready to sack you, and the TV ads will start showing children smeared with blood in the gutter butchered by a motorist who had a sherry two days previously with aunt Florrie.

Yes, it's Christmas!

Get mugged, burgled, stabbed or shot 11 months of the year and you get a crime number for your insurance claim, because of the cuts. But from now until Jan 1st (at least) the streets will be crawling with Filth, all on overtime, trying to catch you a tad over the limit at 8-30am crawling through the rush hour traffic when you are more likely to die of boredom than kill a small child.

It's Christmas!!!!!!!!

Happy Christmas

A light shall shine upon us this day: for our Lord is born to us; and He shall be called Wonderful, God, the Prince of peace, the Father of the world to come, of Whose kingdom there shall be no end.

A child is born to us.

And to us a Son is given.

Grant, we beseech Thee, O Lord our God, that we who rejoice in celebrating the birthday of our Lord Jesus Christ may deserve by holiness of life to attain unto fellowship with Him. Who liveth and reigneth forever and ever. Amen.

The BBC Christmas Session

The BBC soaks up vast amounts of our hard earned cash, so it's only right that they occasionally produce something worth watching. Last year they made The Christmas Session featuring Bellowhead, The Unthanks, Lisa Knapp and others.

I recommend putting it on your viewing list this Christmas, let's face it, now they're no longer showing Laurel and Hardy films at Christmas there's not a lot else worth watching.

The BBC Christmas Session.

Happy Christmas

A Prayer for Christmas Morning

by Robert Louis Stevenson

Loving Father, Help us remember the birth of Jesus, that we may share in the song of angels, the gladness of the shepherds, and the worship of the wise men. Close the door of hate and open the door of love all over the world. Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting.

Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clean hearts. May the Christmas morning make us happy to be Thy children, and the Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake, Amen!

I Believe In Father Christmas

Busy getting ready for Christmas and learning my lines for a play in February, so haven't got much time for blogging. Add to that the fact that the news is dominated by politically correct moral outrage at footballers and pundits behaving badly, according to the standards of the PC Gestapo, and I really can't be mithered.

So here's my favourite Christmas song from when you could use a word like "coloured" on national TV without being treated like you'd just slaughtered a classsroom full of five year olds. Yes, incredibly I fell in love with this song in 1975 and I still love hearing it:

Launch Of Annual Police Terror

Don't forget folks, most forces have this week launched their annual police terror campaigns.

There will suddenly be the kind of police numbers on the streets that are only rivalled when we are in the grip of rioters and looters. They will use any excuse to pull you over so they can sniff your breath, just in case you've had a glass of sherry when visiting Auntie Ethel. They'll pull you over on your way to work in case they can catch you over the drink drive limit from the party the night before.

There will be disgustingly emotive TV commercials about children being slaughtered by the thousand by drivers who had an eggnog with their staff before closing the office for Christmas. There'll be ads showing the look of hatred on the face of an angelic five year old when he finds out his father failed a breathalyser, lost his job and has thrown his family into a life of grinding Dickensian poverty.

They'll make those disgusting anti-smoking adverts using kids to try and shame grown ups into giving up smoking look reasonable. Oh yes, the spirit of Joey the Cripple is alive and well and working on public service announcements in  the UK.

The Fockers, Smoking and Chateau Neuf du Pape

Christmas is fantastic, I love it. Thanks to t'internet and Skype it is easy to keep in touch with family and friends be they in Arabia, New Zealand, Wood Green or anywhere else in the world. But last night we had good friends round for a raclette which is a great way of partying, and a bit safer than a fondue when too much wine has been imbibed.

Our friends Netty and Steve still smoke, Netty is on the fags and Steve the Cuban cigars. Although we gave up smoking three years ago we feel it inhospitable to deny them the right to smoke, or worse to force them out onto the freezing balcony, so the ashtrays came out and they were invited to partake, which they did.

This morning we came down the stairs and found the house smelling lovely and fresh. We didn't have to wash the curtains, neither did we have to spend five hours washing hair and clothes because we stank of tobacco. So, everybody feeling surprisingly well after gallons of Chateau Neuf du Pape, cognac and single malt the night before, we waved our guests goodbye after a hearty breakfast. Then we set out for an afternoon stroll.

We set off for a stroll but ended up at the 3-00 showing of The Little Fockers in Lancaster. Just the kind of froth to watch on a soggy, cold Christmas afternoon. And it was packed, just like the pictures used to be in the olden days. They even had trouble with the projector which delayed the start just like days of yore.

A good hot chilli tonight. Wine? Not sure.

Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas to you all, wherever you may be. Let's hope it's a time, if only for a few days, of peace and goodwill for all people.

I know of one family who have been reunited with husband and father just home from Afghanistan. Let's pray that those still abroad have a wonderful Christmas and come home safely, preferably all of them and sooner rather than later.

Christmas is a time for family and friends, good food and wine. So wherever your family and friends may be, I hope you enjoy their company, or at least get to speak to them and share messages of goodwill.

 But remember too that it is first and foremost a celebration of the birth of Christ, and that is the great message of joy we are celebrating whether with friends and family, or spending Christmas alone.

So again, Happy Christmas and God Bless.

Why not visit Catholic TV , especially if you can't get to Christmas Mass.

Please don't forget to click on the banner above if you would like to make a donation to the SSAFA Christmas appeal.

Ice, Snow and Earthquakes

This global warming eh? Weeks of ice and snow, average temperatures in the last couple of years have fallen and we are in the coldest December since records began.

Then around 11 00pm last night I turned on a tap in the bathroom and the house rumbled. I thought it must have been air in the pipes or something, but after the house flooding in May we went around each floor checking for leaks or another flood. Nothing.

This morning we saw the news and it had been an earthquake measuring 3.6 on the Richter Scale apparently. It was centred on Coniston, about 20 miles north of us in the Lake District. No damage fortunately it seems and  more importantly no injuries.

What with people at my beloved's workplace going down with flu and/or the Norovirus, and the weather killing off the sprout harvest all we need is a spot of pestilence to make it a really biblical Christmas.

The arrogance of man is such that we think we have power over whether or not the Earth survives. I suggest it is rather the other way round. Nature holds all the trump cards, we are at the mercy of nature no matter how supremely powerful we believe we are.

Ban Christmas Trees In Public Places?

I was wondering when the loonies would get a mention in the media. Thankfully this shower of morons advocating the banning of Christmas trees in public are in Canada rather than Camden or Lambeth. I really did think the Candians had more sense but we live and learn, it seems that PC knobheads are everywhere.

Researchers at Simon Fraser University in Canada have found that non-christians feel less included if they see Christmas trees in public places. So, rather than telling those non-christians to grow a backbone the stupid researchers advocate the restricting of Christmas trees in public.

In these times of financial cutbacks and savings I think it would be a much better idea to abolish social psychology departments in universities throughout the world. Then we could start on media studies departments, economics departments and so on. The list is probably very long.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Ok, so people say the TV adverts are cheesey, but they still raise a titter in the East Wing TV lounge of Chateau Beaman and I'm glad that Gio Compario is releasing a charity single on Monday. Here it is:



The charity single is raising money for Teenage Cancer Trust and will be available to download from Monday 6th December on iTunes, Amazon, HMV, play.com and digital 7.

Merry Christmas And Peace To All

As head honcho of this esteemed blog I am closing Blog Towers so that we can all start the Christmas celebrations nice and early.

Whether you are a practising Christian or not, I thought that the following extract from Pope John XXIII's Christmas message may even today have some resonance, especially with what is happening in Iraq and Afghanistan. The Pope gave this message on 23 December 1959, when I was 10 weeks old!

Christian peace

The appearance of peace is threefold:

Peace of the heart:

Peace is before all else an interior thing, belonging to the spirit, and its fundamental condition is a loving and filial dependence on the will of God. "Thou hast made us for Thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless till it rests in Thee" (St. Augustine's Confessions, 1, I, 1, 1, P.L., 32, 661).

All that weakens, that breaks, that destroys this conformity and union of wills is opposed to peace. First of all and before all is wrongdoing, sin. "Who hath resisted him and hath had peace?" (Job 9:4). Peace is the happy legacy of those who keep the divine law. "Much peace have they who love thy law" (Psalms 118:165).

For its part, good will is only the sincere determination to respect the eternal laws of God, to conform oneself to His commandments and to follow His paths—in a word, to abide in the truth. This is the glory which God expects to receive from man. "Peace to men of good will."

Social peace:

This is solidly based on the mutual and reciprocal respect for the personal dignity of man. The Son of God was made man, and His redeeming act concerns not only the collectivity, but also the individual man.

He "loved me and gave himself up for me." Thus spoke St. Paul to the Galatians (Gal. 2:20). And if God has loved man to such a degree, that indicates that man is of interest to Him and that the human person has an absolute right to be respected.

Such is the teaching of the Church which, for the solution of these social questions, has always fixed her gaze on the human person and has taught that things and institutions—goods, the economy, the state—are primarily for man; not man for them.

The disturbances which unsettle the internal peace of nations trace their origins chiefly to this source: that man has been treated almost exclusively as a machine, a piece of merchandise, a worthless cog in some great machine or a mere productive unit.

It is only when the dignity of the person comes to be taken as the standard of value for man and his activities that the means will exist to settle civil discord and the often profound divisions between, for example, employers and the employed. Above all, it is only then that the means will exist to secure for the institution of the family those conditions of life, work and assistance which are capable of making it better directed to its function as a cell of society and the first community instituted by God Himself for the development of the human person.

No peace will have solid foundations unless hearts nourish the sentiment of brotherhood which ought to exist among all who have a common origin and are called to the same destiny. The knowledge that they belong to the same family extinguishes lust, greed, pride and the instinct to dominate others, which are the roots of dissensions and wars. It binds all in a single bond of higher and more fruitful solidarity.

International peace:

The basis of international peace is, above all, truth. For in international relations, too, the Christian saying is valid: "The truth shall make you free" (John 8:32).

It is necessary, then, to overcome certain erroneous ideas: the myths of force, of nationalism or of other things that have prevented the integrated life of nations. And it is necessary to impose a peaceful living together on moral principles, according to the teaching of right reason and of Christian doctrine.

Along with this, and enlightened by truth, should come justice. This removes the causes of quarrels and wars, solves the disputes, fixes the tasks, defines the duties and gives the answer to the claims of each party.

Justice in its turn ought to be integrated and sustained by Christian charity. That is, love for one's neighbor and one's own people ought not to be concentrated on one's self in an exclusive egotism which is suspicious of another's good. But it ought to expand and reach out spontaneously toward the community of interests, to embrace all peoples and to interweave common human relations. Thus it will be possible to speak of living together, and not of mere coexistence which, precisely because it is deprived of this inspiration of mutual dependence, raises barriers behind which nestle mutual suspicion, fear and terror.

However you will be celebrating Christmas, I hope you have a wonderful peaceful time with good company, good food and very light hangovers.

Classic Christmas Songs

Here is a selection of great Christmas songs that don't get the airplay they deserve.

Merry Christmas to all and I hope you enjoy:

Christmas Charity-The Prostate Cancer Charity

Christmas is a wonderful time for giving and receiving and, if you are a Christian, for celebrating the birth of Christ. Who knows, we may even get a white Christmas this year.

Via this blog I am supporting the Prostate Cancer Charity. I don't believe in asking people to donate rather than give presents or send cards, that's too much fun to not do, but I would ask you to consider clicking on the image on my side bar and making a donation, no matter how small, to the Prostate Cancer Charity.

Many thanks in anticipation.

Scrooged!

Here are two news stories from the North West that prove Ebenezer Scrooge is alive and well, in the form of New Labour officialdom, ever increasingly resembling the old Soviet Union or the DDR.

This 72 year old milkman is in the shit for delivering cannabis to his customers to ease their aches and pains. Big deal!

This story is incredible. The Employment Minister, Tony McNulty, has ordered an investigation because staff at a Birkenhead job centre adapted a Christmas carol to take the mickey out of their clients. It seems that each verse ended with " and a scally in a hoodie". Nice to know the Employment Minister has bugger all else to do with his time than mither staff having a laugh.

Humbug!

Rod Liddle And Trendy Vicars

There really is a 1970s feel creeping into 21 century Britain, inevitable I suppose with a Labour government with prehistoric principles. But there's a trendy vicar in Dorset, yes they do still exist, who went to Bethlehem and came over all pro-Palestinian, to the extent that he has banned "O Little Town of Bethlehem" from his church this Christmas. Very 1970s. Personally I take the Ayn Rand view on Israel as expressed here by Edwin A. Locke.

Then there's the prat headmaster in Nottinghamshire who withdrew his children from a carol festival because it was 'too religious'. Forgive me but isn't Christmas a religious festival? Read all about them in this cracking article by Rod Liddle.

I've always thought that the pinko liberals have caused as much racial hassle in this country as the far-right by, amongst other things, seeing all kinds of imaginary offence on behalf of ethnic minorities. This was brought into sharp focus for me yesterday when, hanging around outside a shop waiting for Mrs B., I got talking to a Muslim fellow. After a pleasant chat about ice hockey, I had my woolly Manchester Phoenix hat on much to Mrs B.'s embarrassment, he headed away with a real hearty and sincere "Have a very happy Christmas". He obviously doesn't find Christmas offensive.

Elf and Safety for Santa

The Nanny State doesn't even have a breather for Christmas with this news from the Sun via Ananova.

Once, when working from home, my employer informed me that I was going to be visited by a health and safety wallah to check my workstation conformed to requirements. My workstation was a desk, computer, chair and phone in the spare bedroom. They got short shrift as I refused to allow an unecessary bureaucrat into my home.

There flowed an exchange of emails the gist being, on my side, that if I couldn't set up a desk and chair properly I really shouldn't be in the job. They quoted pseudo-legal jargon to which I said that they could then get me a proper office outside my home, with all the associated costs, and they could inspect to their heart's content.

I ended up signing a disclaimer, stating that I wouldn't sue them if I crippled myself because my chair hadn't been checked by 'an expert'.

Annual Police Terror

No sooner do the Christmas decorations go up than traffic plod (pictured left) begins his Scrooge-like terror campaign against the motorist.

I have just got back fom Lancaster where plod are stopping every fourth or fifth motorist for spot checks. It seems that they were out earlier this week stopping people en route to work in the morning. The idea being that they have a quick whiff of your breath in case you are still a bit pissed from a party the night before, or in case you are in the habit of having sherry trifle for brekkie.

I blogged some time ago about how Mrs B was stopped in Lancaster around Christmas last year, plod was most miffed when she was evidently sober as a judge.

So I will now recycle the same old joke:

Q: What's the difference between a police traffic car and a hedgehog?
A: A hedgehog has the pricks on the outside!

The Annual Police Terror

The late, great writer and humourist Aubron Waugh used to call Christmas the 'annual police terror'. Traffic police hunting in packs to try and track down evil motorists who have had a mince pie with a splash of brandy in it. Setting up road blocks in the morning trying to trap some poor hungover motorist driving to work but still carrying too much alcohol in his system from the night before. Well, just like the shops our wonderful constabulary have started Christmas earlier than ever this year.

Last night my wife was driving us through the centre of Lancaster when, some way ahead, we spotted a police Range Rover, all its lights flashing, pulling away after mithering a taxi driver. We carried on and after about half a mile the self same Range Rover appeared behind us, headlights and blue lights flashing away. My wife slowed down and pulled over but he stayed behind her so she turned a corner, out of the way, and stopped.

There then appeared what can only be described as an obnoxious pillock in a blue uniform who proceeded to patronise her and treat her like a piece of dirt. First he accused her of 'driving erratically'. When a spontaneous "are you joking?" came back to him he replied: " I can assure you I don't often make jokes". Now that I can believe as he did prove himself to be a humourless, self important egomaniac. He then changed the 'driving erratically' to 'veering towards the white line at one point'.

He was very angry that she quite obviously had been nowhere near alcohol that day, his little game was over and he wasn't happy. We eventually continued our journey after a further patronising lecture from our Keystone Cop. No doubt he took his anger out on the next poor motorist he decided to treat like dirt.

Shame how the real police usually appear so pleasant and helpful, although there are bad ones as in any walk of life, but I have yet to encounter a traffic cop who I would put out if he was on fire. An old pal, an ex bobby, once told me that the traffic police, at his station, had to have a seperate table in the canteen because the other police wouldn't sit with them. I can see why!