Twat of the Year 2017

Frontrunner 12th year in a row,

There seem to be more contenders for the award this year than ever and there seem to be more than ever from the world of politics. Maybe I'm just getting old and cynical, but I don't think so.

There's a PM who called a general election then seemed to do her best to blow it. But she couldn't even do that properly and ended up selling her soul to the DUP so she could form a minority government after inheriting a majority from the 2015 election that Cameron won. She is now trying to throw money at the hated EU when we should just walk away.

There's Vince Cable, always trying to win this award, along with Diane Abbott and virtually every other leftist politician. Comedy Corbyn is a very strong contender, despite May being virtually useless he's still behind her in the polls when the question: "Who would make the best PM?" is asked. His party can barely scrape a 3% lead in the polls, the two main parties often being neck and neck yet in the years before the 1997 election, when Conservative John Major was PM, Labour were regularly well over 30 points higher in the polls. As the old saying goes, Labour under Corbyn are all pee and wind. A strong contender.

There are any number of people who seem intent on competing for this year's title. Here's a list, by no means exhaustive, of the ones that spring readily to mind:

Owen Jones (Dodgy journalist at a dodgy newspaper and known for throwing tantrums).
Paloma Faith (Warbler who is bringing her child up 'gender neutral').
Gary Linekar (List of twattery too long to list briefly)
Bono (See above).
Bob Geldoff (See above).
Yasmin Alibhai-Brown (See above).

So there's a rough idea where this post is heading. Feel free to nominate your own candidate(s) through the comments section.

But I'm seriously considering breaking with tradition this year and awarding a collective Twat of the Year Award. I was driving to Kendal this morning and got stuck behind a twat doing 35 to 40mph in the 50mph limit. Beautiful sunny, crisp morning and very little traffic so absolutely no need to be driving so slowly. As an overtaking opportunity arose I indicated and put my foot down. Immediately he braked and dropped to just over 30mph. As I passed I saw transfers in big letters on his back window, one said 'DRIVE CLOSER AND I'LL SLOW DOWN', the other said 'SMILE YOU'RE ON MY CCTV'. What an utter, unadulterated fuckwit. He may be beyond this award, I may have to consider a one off for that twat.

Then there was a house this week in Langcliffe in the Yorkshire Dales whose owner had put a 'NO PARKING' sign on their garden gate to stop people parking on the public road where there were no yellow lines or parking restrictons and no driveway onto their property. The block capitals were used to make the sign appear shouty and aggressive I suppose.

Then there are twats on motorbikes who wear these abominations (left). High visibility gear I fully understand  but when you drive along as I did and suddenly see a bike ahead parked at the roadside with this on the back of the rider I instinctively slammed on my brakes to slow down.

I did actually turn back to check that this actually wasn't a police motorcyclist but no, it was just a smug, self-righteous bastard who thinks he's the only person in the world who has any idea of road safety.

I could go on but I'm sure you get my point. My collective award could go to those arseholes who use these dodgy, near impersonations of official signs and notices to garner a little advantage for them selves or to try and boss or mither the rest of us with them. There is enough mithering and interference from numerous organs of the state without these bastards adding to it.

But there's plenty of time until the final decision and a complete and utter twat often pops up late in December. Let's see.