Stwffio'r Cymru

Sometimes I'm just not in the mood for radio phone-ins, today being a case in point.

I feel like crap with a bug that kicked off around a week ago and just goes on and on. But we have to eat so I had to shop, which was a brief but painful foray into the local supermarket. Then I had to take three bags of crap to the tip so we don't end up with plague as well. That's where it all went seriously tits up. I was out of the house for no more than forty minutes but every minute felt like being tortured for an hour.

So when I got to the tip and found a huge queue I wasn't happy. You see, they were manoeuvering a truck to take away a recycling bin and 'elf 'n' safety says the public might die if they move their cars while that is happening. Bloody nanny state!

But even worse I had to listen to some intellectual pigmy on BBC Radio 2 banging on about how the Welsh language should get more subsidies. Bollocks you turd! According to the latest census figures, despite billions in subsidies over the last thirty years or so, the Welsh language is in decline. The intellectual pigmy turned out to be a Plaid Cymru MP for some ridiculously unpronouncably named constituency which probably has more sheep than voters.

So, said Welsh nationalist wants our hard earned taxes to subsidise some group of ageing new age types in a squat in Snowdonia to produce meaningless pseudo rock songs in Welsh about the environment and mother earth to an audience of about ten billy goats. Meanwhile we all tighten our belts and see services cut, quite rightly too, because we're sinking under Labour's legacy of debt and irresponsibility. But oh no, not for the Celtic subsidy junkies, 80% of whose GDP comes from Westminster subsidies in the first place. That is, from you and me.

Of course a living language wouldn't need state subsidies. Is Welsh a living language? Here are a few Welsh words, see if you can work out the English and you can decide if it's alive or dead:

Ambiwlans
Parc
Troli
Lotri
Mwslim
Tacsi

There, if you get those words right you probably know as much Welsh as 98% of the population of Wales. I will  now contact the Welsh Office to collect my subsidy for promoting the Welsh language.

If you haven't worked out the title of this blog it involves doing to the Welsh what you did to your turkey before cooking it for Christmas.