Monday, September 06, 2010

Sunday Drivers

They really do piss me off, not just Sunday drivers but weekend drivers on the whole. This weekend was particularly bad as I had to drive to Clitheroe on Saturday and Manchester on Sunday, and it's the back end of the holidays so the M6 in Lancashire was full of them.

Why do the prats sit, mile after mile in the middle lane? Or lane two if you prefer, or the second lane. They really do piss me off, so much so that I can feel my blood pressure rising and end up screaming words of abuse that I didnt even know I knew when I see one ahead.

Then, as if that's not bad enough when you try and pass them they start to accelerate, so you start passing them at 70mph but reach 80mph by the time you succeed. As soon as you pass them they then return, still in the middle lane, to a serene 65mph and drop right back. Bastards!

But when you glance to your left as you pass them you see some silly bleeder, nose an inch from the windscreen, gripping the steering wheel so tight their knuckles are pure white with veins bulging. They stare ahead with a look of concentration that makes them look like they're desperately trying to break wind because their lives depend on it. If they are that scared when driving on the motorways piss off and use the 'A' roads.

I can just imagine Cecil turning smugly to his beloved Celia as he hogs the middle lane and saying: "Oh look behind my dear, three lanes of the motorway all jammed up and the road ahead is perfectly clear. Think we timed our departure just right". No you moron, it's jammed because you are sat in the middle lane doing 69mph, while the inside lane is empty, thus causing a tailback from Lancaster to the Scottish border! You are screwing up the bloody motorway network you tit.

Then you get to J32 of the M6 and there are four lanes. Yes four lanes for them to screw up. So Cecil the nobhead stays in what was the middle lane, but has now become lane three for a few miles and hey presto, he's fucked up the whole motorway network, quite possibly causing traffic jams as far back as Inverness, or at least Aberdeen now.

Thanks to these prats we effectively have a two lane motorway network. What the pillocks do is effectively close the inside lane, unless you want to be highly dodgy and overtake on the inside. So if you are one of those tits who sits in the middle lane mile after mile when the inside is empty please leave a comment explaining why you are such a selfish, useless, moronic prick of a motorist.

I think we should be allowed to force them off the road. Preferably at the top of the Thelwall Viaduct or the Dartford Bridge. What a satisfying splash that would make.


Steve Allison said...

I once saw a Police Camera Show where drivers who hog the middle lane were called CLODS

Centre Lane Owner DriverS

Gregg said...

That's much more polite than me, and I suspect, you!