European Investigation Order

If you doubted that we no longer have control of our government, and therefore our lives and our destinies, then this latest handover of power to the EU may convince you. No great statements to the media, just a sneaky mention in Parliament, then reported on the Parliament website. Theresa May (pictured) is the minister responsible.

Home Secretary, Theresa May MP, made a statement to the House of Commons on 27 July 2010 on the Government's decision to opt into the draft European directive on the European Investigation Order. The European Investigation Order has been designed to help law enforcement agencies in EU states share information.

From Parliament UK.

So much for the government handing power 'back to the people'. They didn't tell us they meant people in Brussels, Strasbourg and every police officer in the EU!

Watch the Video.

European Investigation Order in Hansard.

And when Dave achieves his ambition of speeding Turkey into the European Union, just remember Midnight Express.

The Coalition's Big Society

There are two words that seem to be used in every political statement at the moment, and they fill me with dread. They are 'society' and 'community'. They are used, especially by politicians and interfering busybodies, to justify a very dangerous trend, namely passing power down from government.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that power should be as locally devolved as possible, a large part of the reason I see no point in European Union membershhip for example. But before any power is devolved they should look at what powers can be scrapped completely first. After all, dodgy forms of devolution produce disasters like the Scottish government.

The politically correct will attack you if you make generalisations, especially those such as all French people smell of garlic and all Chinamen wear flipflops, and rightly so, they obviously don't. But when they want to impose their wishes on us they justify their interfering ways by claiming that 'society' would be better for it or that 'communities' would benefit from it. Well I mustn't be part of either because this week I heard a harridan from the anti-motorist group Brake which, incidentally, enjoys the benefits of charitable status while hectoring you and me about how our cars kill children, and her views on improving 'communities' scared me. I do not believe that speed cameras make for 'more liveable communities'. If they did estate agents would pretty soon start putting speed camera locations on property details to attract buyers. No, she was talking bollocks frankly.

The whole problem with Cameron's 'Big Society' is that the state has far too much power and is far too intrusive. Cameron's plans sound to me like they will merely be delegating that power to other, more local people. The problem with that is that local goverment is crammed full of interfering busybodies just wanting to dabble and interfere in their 'communities', and believe me they are extremely dangerous, I saw them when I was a councillor for four years. Yes, there are many good people involved in local politics, but the mad, or plain insane, have an energy that drives them on to more and more activity when the sane are happy to leave people alone.

Like most people, I suspect, I just want to live my life without being constantly mithered by either civil servants or local commissars. Stick your 'Big Society'.

David Cameron-What a Turkey!

David Cameron must be really, really stupid. Since sneaking into Downing Street he seems to have decided to play some kind of a student prank on us all by saying exactly the opposite of popular opinion. Bear in mind he couldn't win an election and is only in power because of a coalition with a party of misfits that managed to lose seats at the May election.

He is suddenly fighting for Turkey to join the European Union because, he claims, they are in NATO so therefore should be in the EU too. Maybe he also believes, using that logic, that the USA should be in the EU too. Then he really goes to town on those of us who don't want Turkey in the EU by tarring us all as Islamophobes. Prat!

To be honest if we were outside the EU, which we should be and one day will be, I wouldn't give a damn whether Turkey was in or not. But as long as we are in, and have open borders with the EU, I do not particularly want a border with Iraq and Iran, which is what we will effectively have if Turkey joins.

Furthermore, the larger the EU becomes the bigger a minority we become, and the more remote from government when decisions are being made. So when Cameron claims he wants to give power back to the people, how does giving more and more power to an ever expanding EU achieve that particular aim? In a word it doesn't, it's more bull from Cameron the turkey.

Britain is Finished

I've been away on a course for most of this week and it has felt a bit like living in a bubble, or a parallel universe. But sometimes the real world comes crashing in like a nightmare.

Another participant on the course told us the tale of his 18 year old niece on election day, May 6th. He saw her in the evening and she was really angry about the cock up at her polling station. He assumed they had run out of ballot papers or something, as had begun being reported from elsewhere. But no, she was angry and had refused to vote because Nick Clegg, who she had liked in the TV debates, had been left off her ballot paper.

Like other participants I wondered what the had happened to our education system. Maybe, if I had children of school age, I would have to send them to private schools. I've never rated the compreensive system and this just proved my point, yet again.

Then I came blinking back into the daylight of the real world and lo, our glorious leader, Eton and Oxford educated, had opened his mouth and proved himself to be as thick as the girl above. We were junior partners to the Yanks in 1940? God help us.

So my conclusion is that if I had children of school age I would have emigrated by now. In fact with a useless prat like Cameron in charge, and a colourless gimp like Nick Clegg as Deputy Prime Minister, emigration is probably adviseable anyway.

Councils and Consultants

I rarely read our local paper, it's the Lancaster Guardian and is about as shite as the proper Guardian, but I just happened to peep at a copy this morning and I was shocked.

My local council, Lancaster City Council, spent over £1m last year on consultants. Over £1m! That is an absolutely scandalous waste of taxpayers' money. A proportion of that went on consultants paid for legal advice, despite having their own Legal Services Department.

I won't bore you with all the detail, but it is on the Lancaster Guardian website if you would like to see the article.

I recently came across a media consultancy that charges a reported £1,500 a day plus VAT to tell councillors and council officials how to work with the media. That despite most of the councils they work with actually employing media/PR people already.

I do not accept that any reasonably sized local authority in this day and age needs to employ ridiculously expensive consultants, they must have all the expertise they could need on their payroll already. If they don't they are doing something wrong.

Consultants are the obvious place to start cutting and millions and millions of pounds could be saved in local government at a stroke, without affecting essential services.

White Christians Persecuted in Britain (The New Inquisition)

There has been, rightly or wrongly, a growing perception in Britain that so-called equality legislation works against the majority population and in favour of minorities. This perception is not just about ethnicity but about religious freedom too.

This view is supported in a report by the think tank Civitas reported in today's Daily Telegraph.

The fanatical politicaly correct interference in attempting to make us all the same has created an atmosphere of mistrust and suspicion. I do not believe that there is a determined effort to crush the white Christian population, although the Labour governmnent had a good try, I think it is more cock up than conspiracy. A climate has been created by the equality legslation whereby people go so far to prove they are not guilty of an 'ism' that they unintentionally piss off some unsuspecting section of the populace.

Wherever the state interferes there is confusion at best, at worst confontation and pain. The abolition of all equality legislation, be it gender, race, sexuality or anything else, is the first step to people living together in peace.

Government Cuts, Propaganda and Charities

It's absolutely crucial that the government cuts, cuts and cuts even deeper. There are several reasons but firstly the government squanders money and in the process grabs more and more power over us, the innocent populace. Also the govenment doesn't actually have any money to spend, it thieves from the likes of you and me so it is actually squandering our money. Forgive me, but I think we know best how to spend our money.

Today the NCVO (National Council of Voluntary Organisations) is whining that government cuts to local authority funding could seriously damage some charities. Good, that's life. I've spent most of my life as a volunteer and over 20 years working in the charity sector and in that time I have seen the voluntary sector go from a healthy, independent, largely self-financing sector to an overstaffed, bloated, taxpayer funded bureaucracy. Many charities and voluntary organisations have been nationalised.

Of course when charities take the easy route, and accept taxpayers' money, they immediately lose their independence, he who pays the piper calls the tune. Their campaigning edge, especially in the world of medical chrities which is my background, has been blunted. They've sold their souls and the last government were experts at buying them off.

And voluntary means just that, voluntary. If I support the Citizen's Advice Bureau I will choose to support it financially. If I don't support that charity I do not want my money being forcibly taken from me and given to them through taxation. I don't accept the bleeding heart liberal cry that charities will die if they don't get government funding. If they are worthwhile people will happily cough up the cash. If they don't survive, it's because they don't deserve to survive because people don't support them. It's quite simple.

So don't listen to the pinko liberal self-serving propoganda from the vested interests in the voluntary sector. Cuts are a good thing and the more and deeper the better.

Which brings me nicely to a classic song from the eighties that reminds me of life in Glossop, Derbyshire, the wild days!

Ladies and gentlemen I give you Propaganda with The First Cut:



Now I'm off to watch Le Tour de France on ITV4.

More Bullshit from the European Union

The European Union is at it again, indeed when does it ever stop? Its authoritarian march towards supreme power and total control of our lives carries on relentlessly. I am only really concerened about UK withdrawal from the monster, it's up to other countries what they do, but I sense an ever growing scepticism throughout Europe to the EU. So what has caused my anger today?

For starters it's their lack of acceptance that the private sector is just that, private, and should be interfered with by the state as little as possible, ideally not at all. But no, where the EU see human interaction they want to control, regulate and legislate against it.

The leviathan is now concerened that there are not enough wimmin in the boardrooms of private companies. So what? Most of my working experience has been in the charity world where, I would guess, women are at least as well represented in senior management positions as men, maybe even disroportionately better represented. Do I care? Not a jot as long as they can do the job. By the way, I wonder what the EU think about the proportion of male/female primary school teachers throughout Europe, not just here?

Of course the EU is only 'flagging up the issue' at this stage, confident that the private sector will change the perceived imbalance. But as with every dictatorship behind that 'flagging up' is the threat that under the Lisbon Treaty, they have the power to enforce 'equality' if it doesn't happen voluntarily, or naturally.

Then there is the prospect of EU police forces having access to all your records: DNA, bank accounts, telephone and email records, everything that the British state has access to. This proposal is being floated under the European Investigation Order. Then it's only a hop, skip and a jump to Inspector Cutabollockoff kicking your door down at 4-00am to drag you off to Bucharest Central for interrogation. The British police and the British state scare me, this really brought me out in a cold sweat when I read about it.

The hat-trick today was the EU announcing, in true Mussolini style, that they will get the trains running on time! How? By forcing member states (or vassel states if you prefer) to adopt their new railway timetabling software. Bollocks! The last time I had a train cancelled was because the driver was in bed with a hangover, or at least he hadn't turned up for work. We all know about the wrong type of leaves on the line, the old signal failure excuse and the engineering works that have been screwing up the West Coast Mainline since about 1880. Typical EU delusional bollocks.

So what's the answer? Well pressure groups are all very well but too often preach to the converted. We all know that a majority of people in the country today would be happy to see us withdraw from the EU, but they are unaware of a credible political party advocating that. Also, while 50%+ would probably like to see us out of the EU, only about 8%, if that, will vote in a general election on that single issue, they vote on a whole range of issues from health and education to tax, law and order and all the others.

Furthermore, and I know from experience, that politicians who, rightly or wrongly, bang on, and on, and on about nothing but the EU turn the electorate off. Withdrawal has to be part of a cohesive manifesto including the whole range of government activities, preferably hacking away at the activity of government, and freeing people from the current invasive, authoritarian state that is crippling freedom and liberty. That is the only way to get into Westminster where real change can become possible.

If you think that no such party exists then I suggest you visit the Libertarian Party website. You will be pleasantly surprised.

Customer Service? Bollocks! (Part 2)

Following my post yesterday about B&Q, specifically their totally incompetent Bamber Bridge store, there is a further development.

After being told that their delivery vehicles, drivers and goods fall into a black hole, never to be seen again, if they venture near Lancaster on a Friday, the problem has been solved.

After preparing for a Saturday delivery of my flooring, because of the above insoluble problem, I received a phone call late yesterday afternoon. The greatest scientific minds in the world, led by Stephen Hawking no doubt, have solved the problem of the de-materialising trucks and my delivery will be here this aftenoon, between 5-00pm and 7-00pm depending on the time warp factor no doubt, or maybe the traffic. Kicking arse does work, even with mongs and simpletons it seems.

Then there is the problem with Topps Tiles, or should that be 'Bottoms' Tiles because they are a bunch of arseholes too? But that's similar to the B&Q experience and too raw for me to recount at the moment without resorting to single malt, and it's far too early.

Bastards!

The FIFA World Cup 2010

After all the bullshit spouted about the World Cup in South Africa, it has taken the down to earth decency and honesty of a former Rugby Union player to tell it as it actually was. Namely:

The standard of football was shite.

If Spain play the most beautiful football the world has ever seen how did they manage no more than one goal in any game, the point of the game being to score goals?

'Top class' footballers are spoilt, petulent brats who are more than happy to cheat, including the Spaniards.

Africans are not all happy smiley people in bright clothes, many live in abject poverty under brutal dictatorships.

The awe and wonder that the tournament happened without major disaster/cock-up is highly patronising towards Africans, but typical of the PC brigade.

The Vuvuzela is not a great African tradition, it's an oversized plastic childrens' horn that pisses most normal people off, and only surfaced about 10 years ago.

Some of the above has my personal interpretation to add a little spice but here is Brian Moore's full article, it is well worth a read.

Customer Service? Bollocks!

Some stores are just too big. If they are furniture or DIY stores asssociated with very strong colours too, such as blue and yellow or orange, then they must be avoided.

In fairness the big orange DIY store, let's call it P&Q, is usually fine, not just because they employ older staff in orange aprons either, but because all the staff are generaly pleasant and helpful. But their store at Bamber Bridge near Preston is shite! The big blue and yellow furniture shop is shite everywhere, apart from their meatballs which are nearly as good as mine, but that's another story and seems to be a man thing.

To cut a long story short we ordered nearly £1,500 of flooring last Sunday from the big orange store (P&Q). Ten minutes after leaving the store I got a call, they had cocked up the order. No worries, I went back and it was sorted. Or so I thought. They promised to phone me within 15 minutes to confirm the order. What seemed to blow their minds was that I was ordering in one store but the flooring was to be delivered from another.

Over an hour later I got a phone call querying the order and asking me the price. Asking me the price! I was honest and told them the price per square metre. They told me it was actually double. Oh shit! But I then realised, me not the man in the orange apron, that he had quoted the pack price, which carried about two square metres. My price was actually correct. I then took my seat to watch the cricket.

During the next three hours I had three more phone calls. The last two, an hour apart, from two different people confirming that the order was fine and would be delivered on Thursday (today). Great stuff. So I arranged the fitter for 8-00 Saturday morning.

Yesterday lunchtime, the day before delivery, I got a call telling me that only part of the order was available and that the rest would be with me next week some time, there had been a fault on their system. A conversation then ensued. I told them I wanted the problem resolving within an hour or I expected a full refund.

Half an hour later I was told that they could complete the order but it might have to be Friday rather than today. I asked him to check and confirm as either day was fine. He later phoned me back and confirmed that the delivery would be on Friday (tomorrow). That was fine, no problem. The problem, with patience and perseverance on my part, had been resolved.

Half an hour later the phone rang. There was an apology, they don't deliver to Lancaster on a Friday. Well under the circumstances, and £1,500 spent couldn't an exception be made? No. I asked to speak to the manager. She would phone me back within 15 minutes. So I trawled their website and found their customer service number, which is in Scotland, and in true Monty Python style, I registered my complaint in very high dudgeon. They were very sympathetic, good training I suppose, but it would take 24, or maybe 48 hours for my complaint to hit their system.

An hour later the store manager from Bamber Bridge rang. Absolute waste of space. She sounded like a Little Britain tribute: "Computer says no". She even had to ask a colleague for the surname of the person I had been dealing with, which gave her a good giggle I know because she didn't cover the phone properly. Her story was not a system fault, oh no, she told me they had found that part of our original delivery was damaged. She was worse than useless and I can see why that big orange store in Bamber Bridge is such a shambles.

So last night I went off to watch Lancashire, always a pleasure especially when trying to put an afternoon of shit behind you. Then, at 7-00pm I got a text message from P&Q, maybe on the Orange network, confirming delivery this morning. So when the shite is it coming?

This morning I phoned customer service to check as each time I have phoned the store in Bamber Bridge it has been answered by a caveman who can only grunt. Delivery was confirmed for tomorrow and the attitude of the manager, and the stupid text, have now been added to my complaint.

What a nightmare. But the worst thing is probably sat on the end of a phone while these huge companies play stupid music down it interspered with the odd message telling you how important your custom is. So why can't they be arsed hiring enough staff to save you hanging around on hold for half an hour every time you ring?

And from the government down, don't you just know that the more they harp on about how important you are, how valued you are, how you are in their thoughts 24 hours a day, that they are really just dreaming up more and more excruciating ways to give you a damn good metaphorical bloody seeing to and charging you ever more for the sodding privelege?

Bastards all!

By the way, it's B&Q, I changed the name to protect the guilty.

Jean Michel Jarre for Bastille Day

OK, Bastille Day was yesterday but I was too busy. So to make amends here is a clip from Jean Michel Jarre's excellent Rendezvous Houston for my French friends for yesterday:

Banning the Burqa

The French MPs have once again exhibited the Gallic love of authoritarianism by voting to ban the burqa, having banned the crucifix from classrooms and elsewhere some time ago.

One of the arguments used to support a ban on the burqa is that some muslim women are allegedly forced to wear it. So how does banning all muslim women from wearing it display tolerance and freedom?

I don't like the burqa myself but that is not grounds for banning it. I don't like Marmite but don't want it banned. Any person, political party or group supporting a burqa ban and claiming to be libertarian is either lying or seriously deluded.

Jon Gaunt, Ignorant Pigs and Nazis

If you didn't know Jon Gaunt lost his job as a shock jock, a kind of poor man's Howard Stern , for upsetting a politically correct prat from South London if I remember. As the politically correct moron was gobbing off his authoritarian bile on a particular issue Gaunt likened him to a Nazi and I believe then called him "an ignorant pig". For this he was referred to Ofcom and sacked by the wimps and farts at TalkSport.

I used to listen to Gaunt occasionally but found him annoying, especally his habit of referring to himself in the third person such as "Gaunty did this" or "Gaunty thinks the other". But if he really pissed me off I changed channels. Gaunt broke no laws but was sacked for offending somebody, somewhere, in some way. How our freedom of speech has been eroded by the pinko-liberal corrupting politically correct morons currently in charge. Personally I found everything Blair did or said offensive, shame I couldn't get him sackd for it. Gaunt will continue to fight his case and is appealing, I wish him luck.

Today I heard him interviewed on the BBC by Richard Bacon. Of course Bacon was all for regulators censoring what the public hear because the wet fart didn't think presenters "should offend people". When pushed by Gaunt he couldn't define what he meant by "offensive" quite obviously, because what causes one person offence doesn't another. What the patronising plonker (Bacon) seemed to be saying was that if there was no regulator, costing us £144m a year by the way, then the airwaves would be filled with presenters effing and blinding all day. Well you, Bacon, might be that kind of ignorant prat, please don't assume that all people are as sad and pathetic as you.

I agreed with Gaunt 100% in his assertion that an individuals off button is the best form of censorship.

Oh yes, the BBC isn't covered by Ofcom, it is self-regulated by the BBC Trust.

Trouble in Belfast

It's not been a good few days for those fond of orange, what with Holland losing the final and Orangemen getting attacked as they marched in Belfast.

The last time I was in Nothern Ireland, about six years ago, there was widespread cynicism verging on ridicule about the officially stated arms decomissioning. Real people, not idiot politicians like Blair, knew that the peace process would only last so long.

Let's face it, if you put murdering bastards like McGuiness and Adams in positions of power eventually they will grab for more power until they have complete power. In the last twenty years they have been proved absolutely right in their belief that the bomb and the bullet can get them what they want.

No wonder the pair look so smug when you see them on TV. OK the trouble at the moment is nowhere near previous levels, but let's see how long it takes.

Rape and Anonymity

There was a debate on the radio today about how parliament is split along gender lines on the the question of anonymity for those accused of rape. I don't see why. I've always wondered, especially when a rape accusation proves to be purely malicious, that mens' identities are not protected until charged and a trial takes place. Womens' identities, as victims, are quite rightly protected so surely what is being advocated by the government is gender equality.

Angela Eagles, a Labour shadow minister, was arguing that this would make women less likely to report rape. Why? How many women, having been raped, would even consider the anonymity of the accused when reporting the crime? I would say none. That is a spurious argument that shows a lack of real substance to those opposing the measure.

Aside from murder I can think of no worse crime than rape. Anonymity is the only way to protect an innocent man from the 'no smoke without fire' brigade, be that family members, friends, neighbours, colleagues or the malicious, self-righteous lynch mob.

Back in England

Landing back in Blighty we picked up on the bizarre drama of Raoul Moat. At first we thought armed police were trying to track down the former lead singer of the Mavericks, a bit of a shame because I quite liked them. Then I remembered that the singer is Raul Malo.

No, Raoul Moat is the musclebound psycho, probably pumped up with steroids, who is hiding in the woods in Northumberland with a gun. We did hear of the shooting when we were away but were not aware that the UN had sent in special forces from armies throughout the world to track him down. Well, the police in Northern Ireland are in on the act as, are the Metropolitan Police and numerous other forces' armoured units and we did actually hear on one radio station, while driving up from Dover, that the SAS were milling around. But surely the SAS would have had him by now. After all, Osama bin Laden hiding in a cave in the Hindu Kush is one thing, a derainged bodybuilder kipping in a bivouac in Northumbeland is another, surely?

Mind you, hearing the police press conference yesterday, some woman who sounded like Cilla Black and a bloke who sounded about as enthusiastic as Alan Shearer on moggadon, it's no surprise they are spending over £500,000 a day trying to catch him and achieving sod all.

Doesn't exactly inspire confidence in the forces of law and order does it? Then again, if you call your son Raoul, and he's growing up in working class Newcastle, and he's a ginger, then you're storing up problems for the future really, as we now see.

Au Revoir La Belle France

Impersonating a mole in the morning, coming up for air somewhere near Folkestone. So goodbye to France for now, we'll be back soon no doubt, we can't stay away.

Here then, is our little tribute which I'm sure will be taken in the spirit in which it is meant:



Or if you don't like that then berets off and stand to attention for this:

Labour Party Pillocks

I can't believe Labour Party supporters. It's 20 years since Margaret Thatcher was Prime Minister but the sad lefties in Britain still whine about her and blame her for all the ills of today. In fact they whine more about her today than they did in 1992 or 1997.

Then today I heard some Labour Party pillock complaining that the ConDem government in the UK are still, ten weeks after the general election, blaming today's problems on Labour! Only ten weeks, after Labour spent 13 years wrecking the country? What an utter pillock.

But of course, ten weeks ago people were so unfair on the Labour Party. After all they have so many good ideas and policies to bring a brighter future to Britain, yet voters seemed determined to judge them on their last 13 years of government. How damn unfair.

No wonder Labour supporters are so bitter. They are all pillocks after all!

Le Pont de Normandie

As the end of a holiday approaches it's always a little sad. But then you think of the renovated Schloss awaiting you, your little furry pets and that first chicken madras. It's not a bad life.

Then tomorrow, as we head for Calais from Honfleur, we will have the pleasure of crossing Le Pont de Normandie.

Le Tour de France-Bradley Wiggins

You can keep up with Britain's hope in Le Tour, Bradley Wiggins, by following Dave Brailsford's Blog.

Up to now it sounds, after two stages, like carnage with the peleton crossing the line en masse today in Spa after Wiggins, Armstrong the Schlecks and others crashed on what sounds like a typically bad Belgian road surface.

Chavanel leads at the moment.

Holidays In France

We've been coming to France for years and have never known it as quiet as it is this year. There are few British tourists, fewer Dutch and even fewer German tourists about than we've ever seen at this time of year. We've seen two Italian registration plates, which is unusual although there has been a gradual decline in the numbers of Italians over the last ten years.

It's not as if we have stayed in one place. We drove from Calais to Bergerac via Blois then back via Bordeaux to St Jean de Monts then via Nantes to Honfleur, over 1,500 miles up to now.

Talking to locals there are bars and cafes closing down as there are pubs closing down in the UK. Many British people who moved here are returning to the UK, especially those who need to work as the French are reluctant to employ foreign labour.

We were out for a meal tonight and most of the restaurants around the harbour were empty, or at best had a couple of tables occupied. Some have slashed their prices, the really empty ones haven't.

Interestingly we have seen more Irish people than any other nationality in the last few days. Maybe a last hurrah before the Celtic Tiger is slain?

Gay Marriage

It seems that the new British government, or the coalition government as it is constantly referred to, is carrying on where the old one left off. Rather than scrapping the equality apparatus that causes so much resentment they have put Lynne Featherstone in charge. The only thing worse than a patronising Lib Dem interfering and trying to equalise, is a patronising Lib Dem called Lynne Featherstone being in charge.

They are now talking about forcing the introduction of a religious element into civil partnership ceremonies. It is odd for two reasons in my view. Many religions do not accept homosexuality and I doubt that gay couples would choose to have an element of a religion that condemns homosexuality in their civil ceremony anyway. Secondly If a religion that is fully accepting of homosexual relationships wants to conduct a civil partnership, or a marriage, then why did the existing legislation disallow it?

This shows why state approved equality is a joke. Just leave people to get on with things. All couples in relationships should have the same legal rights under the law, end of story. But if one religion is happy to bless a relationship fine, if another religion is not prepared to bless a relationship then that is their right. It has bugger all to do with the state.

Why I'm Glad Ghana Lost

Sat having a coffee at lunchtime I heard a little English boy asking his mum what all the noise was about last night. She told him they were all cheering on Ghana in the football match. He then asked why they were all cheering Ghana on. She replied that it was because they were the last black team left in the tournament. How bloody crass, patronising, pathetic and in some perverse way racist is that?

Throughout this World Cup I have found the attitude of the pinko liberal classes sickening and patronising, nothing new there then. Little black fella hero, big white European man bad. Obsessing about the emerging footballing nations, such as Ghana, South Africa, Nigeria and Ivory Coast but bollocks to emerging nations such as North/South Korea, Japan, New Zealand, Australia and the USA. No, they aren't black enough are they?

Yes we all have teams we favour when our own nation isn't playing, or has been thumped by the Germans in our case, but isn't choosing your team along racial lines a bit, you know, racist? I have a soft spot for Paraguay myself, not because of any patronising attitude to little Latinos but because I enjoyed spending some time there a few years ago. I suppose that makes me the racist by not supporting them for the 'right' reasons!

The British Abroad

It's time for the truth. When on holiday we tend to avoid other British people, especially in France and especially ex-pats. There, that feels better.

So let me now get really bitchy. It's the posh buggers who really tend to piss us off. The ones who sit in cafes talking very loudly about whatever career made them so wealthy, usually now retired, and how tourists are spoiling their favourite bastide towns. Of course they are on holiday, but it's the 'plebs' who are the 'tourists' in their eyes, meaning everybody but themselves.

They then rattle on about the marvellous food at Chez le Ripoff in Chateugorleymand-Sur-Le-Rive Planchette, a definite throwing down of the gauntlet to somebody like me. So that night you tootle off to lower the tone of Chez le Ripoff. After pate ou salad followed by duck ou steak ou pizza finished off with glace ou creme brulee ou assiete de fromage, yet again, you leave the place as it shuts at 9 00pm, wondering what the crashing old bore was on about, it was the same menu as in every other restaurant in every other town in France. Apart, of course, from the one regional speciality such as cassoulet, snails or tartiflette. That's the problem with so many British people who drool over France, they believe the myth of French food.

Then you get told by some herbert on the next table in the cafe you really must visit the market which opens tomorrow at 8 00am, but be sure to get there early. So you crawl out of your pit and stroll around the market. Wow, look at that selection of sausages and salamis. Wow, look at that cheese stall. Wow, look at that fruit and veg stall, and that one there, and that other one. Wow look at that caravan selling rotisserie chickens, just the same as those in Carrefour but three times as expensive. In fact you see that all the stuff is exactly the same as in the supermarket, but at least twice as much. But we must keep up the myth of the wonderful French markets, after all we're British.

We went on a short trip down the river from Bergerac this week, very nice it was too. But we had to keep our heads down as there was a foursome of crashng bores from the Home Counties over the aisle, or is it gangway on a boat? Anyway, they actually complained that on the hour long trip we hadn't seen a single chateau, and there had been one on the leaflet. The poor girl had to explain that the leaflet was for trips by the same company in various locations, this one had no chateaux. They were still chunnering about it, very loudly, an hour later in a cafe in the old town.

Then there are the boring ex-pats. Obviously not all of them are bad, we were with a great couple of ex-pats this week, but being sweepingly generalistic ex-pats are to be avoided comme le plague!

We met a couple this week, twenty years in the Dordogne, who still spoke as if they were the heroes who had colonised Mars rather than Eymet. Their big proof of assimilating was going to Catholic mass, even though Anglicans, it really gave them that French feeling. Bugger me, I've been going to mass for 50 years, I must be a Frenchman! They still moaned about the heat, and how cold it was in the winter. They moaned about the French breakfast cereal, but knew where to buy British. Of course they kept up with Eastenders on satellite and couldn't do without their Sunday morning fru ups. They were aghast that we weren't contemplating moving there for good. Why stay in England?

Now then, Eymet, a place only to be visited with a submachine gun and enough live rounds to obliterate all the ex-pats. There is even an ex-pat cricket team and every cafe table seems to have an obligatory retird colonel gobbing off to an ex-pat retired engineer about how things in Blighty are falling apart. Course colonel, we're just waiting for your coup so you can save us all, run up the flag at 6 00pm every night and raise your gin and tonic to Her Majesty, just how you do every night in Eymet.

Oh yes, I nearly forgot. Ignore that self-knocking British bollocks too, usually by British people trying to be oh so Francais, about dress sense. It is definitely the Germans who are the worst dressed, closely followed by the Dutch with the French coming up on the rails. Give the British their due, sartorially we are currently way ahead but of course, the British love knocking themselves, don't they?!!

Le Tour de France 2010-Rotterdam-The Beautiful South

Aujourd'hui est le jour. le Grand Depart of Le Tour de France 2010. This year, for only the fourth time in its history I think, it leaves from the Netherlands, Rotterdam to be exact.

Can Lance Armstrong (pictured after training in Rotterdam yesterday) make it an incredible eighth win? What about Mark Cavendish from the Isle of Man and Preston based Bradley Wiggins ? And it's all on ITV 4.

Finally, has there ever been a better excuse for introducing Rotterdam by The Beautiful South?



Move over nancy boy footballers, the true heroes are about to take over the wonderful word of sport.

Pete Reidy

Here's another belter from Pete Reidy:



Keep up the good work Pete, another belter.

Back on t'Interweb

After living in splendid isolation since last Friday, with no access to the internet, we are now in a Campanile in La Roch-Sur-Yon with wi-fi, the French are catching up slowly, and can't think of much to say after a 6 hour drive. But here is what little there is:

England were crap.

Capello was crap.

Gerrard was crap.

Terry was crap and is a useless prick with no brains or talent.

Take away the foreign stars around most English players and they are shown up for what they are; crap.

That's it.