Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Health Fascists Are Everywhere!

Have you ever wondered how much of your taxes is spent on those mithering, badgering health warnings that are popping up like a plague of pox all over the country? Have you ever wondered how much of your tax money is spent on those mithering, badgering 'studies' that we are told about on a daily basis that tell us how we are going to die early if we eat, drink and breathe?

I'm reaching the end of my tether. I am considering how to stop it without landing myself in Strangeways.

This morning the BBC was telling us we will all die if we eat pork pies and bacon. This week, after decades of being told to eat five portions of fruit and veg a day or we'll die, the dentists are telling us that we will lose all our teeth if we eat our five a day. Then I suppose we'll be told that only eating liquidised food, or food we can suck, will lead to a premature death.

These last few days I've been working silly hours with ludicrously early starting times in different parts of the North West. This means I listen to radio a great deal and sit in traffic jams. On Friday night I went to bed early in a rage because I was sick of those adverts on TV telling me that if my 'poo' is soft I've got bowel cancer, in my case it's usually a dodgy vindaloo the night before. But I've ranted about that before. So on Saturday I left home at 5-30am to get to Liverpool, where I thought I was going to join a riot for a film being made there and would be able to legally kick a Scouser and get paid for it. As it happens I was part of a crowd attacking a prison van with child murderers in it, and had a great laugh with the Scousers I was working with.

Anyway, on the M58 into Liverpool I had road rage. I was listening to a commercial radio station and an advert came on telling me that if my 'poo'was soft I had bowel cancer. I screamed and turned the radio off. I joined the A59 when I left the motorway and got stuck behind a bus. My eyes wandered from the back seat of the bus to an advert beneath it telling me that if my 'poo' was soft I had bowel cancer. I was about to jump out and rip the ad off the bus when the traffic lights changed to green. I screamed and thumped my dashboard.

So the next time you hear about some poor soul with a terrible disease who has been refused drugs on the grounds of cost, remember that all the money has gone on idiot campaigns to make us all hypochondriacs and paranoics. We must be wasting thousands and thousands of GP hours, and millions of pounds, going to see about our bowel cancer when it's nothing more than Ghandi's Revenge.

I think as a civilisation we are becoming morbidly self-obsessed. Probably a symptom of our moral decline.

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