George Galloway MP for Bradford West

Yes folks, that's right, Galloway won the Bradford West by-election yesterday. A hate filled, anti-western, political grandstander is back in the House of Commons. In case you've forgotten about him here's a reminder:

Idiots And Politicians

They say you get the government you deserve, and Labour in power from 1997 to 2010 proves the high proportion of idiots living, and sadly voting, in the UK. Admittedly the current shower of pillocks in government aren't much better but let's face it, you'd have to try hard to be worse than the Blair/Brown axis.

Today the idiots have been out in force panic buying fuel to the extent that I spent 20 minutes stuck in a jam caused by queues at a filling station. When I eventually passed the filling station there was a sign saying they had run out of diesel. For God's sake get a grip people!

Then I heard a prize moron on the Jeremy Vine phone-in on BBC Radio2. He had filled up his tank proudly proclaiming he did so few miles it would last him 'til June, he then boasted of filling a five litre jerry can for his lawn mower. Well, his life really depends on fuel doesn't it? My wife has a 150 mile round trip at least three times a week to visit her sick mother in hospital, but of course to a prat who does 10 miles a week and likes to cut his grass that's not important. Of course his needs are far greater than hers or the doctors, nurses, bobbies, power workers and others who really do need to get to work.

Then there were muppets blaming the government for the situation. Yes Maude is an idiot in an idiot government. But his remarks yesterday, that were admittedly stupid, were in response to a socialist idiot called Len McCluskey who leads an idiot union called UNITE. Comrade McCluskey wants to put the greed of a thousand tanker drivers before the needs of the whole country. They have contrived support for a strike. You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to find out who really is the guilty party. Funny how people never believe what a politician says, but one of the clowns says "fill your tank" and in true Pavlovian fashion off they go to get fuel.

Then you have Labour clowns and their supporters whining about VAT on hot takeaway food. Socialists complaining about a tax rise! It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. Labour who sold our gold reserves, plundered our pensions, borrowed more and more until they left us almost bankrupt, and all they can do is whinge about pasties.

In 1997 Labour inherited a budget that was in balance. Then Gordon Brown went on a huge and irresponsible spending spree. By the end of 2009-10 we were in debt to the tune of £171 billion!

So remember that when you're whining about your pasty while queuing for fuel you don't really need, and get a sense of proportion. Even as one who loathes this government I have to admit that a debt of £171 billion trumps 20p on a pasty in anybody's language.

Imprisoning Obnoxious Prats

These are worrying times for freedom of speech in this country. The following article gets across my feelings so eloquently I saw no reason for reinventing the wheel so have reproduced it in full:


A man, Liam Stacey , has been imprisoned in the UK for using twitter.

Yes, imprisoned for using words that do not constitute incitement of any sort. Such is the tragic state of affairs for liberty in this country.

Stacey tested the legal system.

Law is about dispassion, diligence, about delivering a measured response. It is about controlling public anger for vengeance through tempered reason, particularly when the desire for a particular result may have caught the public mood.

So when Stacey’s object of attack was Fabrice Muamba, rightfully a figure of public sentiment and compassion, the legal system had to be extra-careful to ensure the circumstances did not override its judgment. It failed.

The spirit of criminal due process, enshrined in that fundamental maxim ‘innocent until proven guilty’, is not about prosecution at any cost – it is about absolute vigilance when a man might lose his liberty.

The most important liberty of all being at stake: that absolute freedom of one’s body from interference from the State.

That he lost his liberty for a mere vulgar prank, which had no attack on another’s physical body that should justify the loss of liberty of his own, is not the most worrying aspect of Stacey’s prosecution and conviction.

Not at all.

You should be afraid, on any rational basis, reading the below on the state of Britain, the land of the supposed free, about one of the other twitter cases.

A Newcastle University law student Joshua Cryer, 21, used twitter to bombard the pseudo-celebrity Stan Collymore with abuse in an attempt to "snare a celebrity" by provoking a reaction.

He was charged under section 127 of the Communications Act of sending offensive messages, to the former England player. He was sentenced to a two-year community order with 240 hours' unpaid work ( a serious loss of liberty) and ordered to pay £150 costs to the court.

Cryer was prosecuted under a statute that was never designed for the purpose for which it has been used. This is the Communications Act of 2003.

It is pretty appalling to send a man for prison for the mere usage of words, in the absence of incitement. It's another thing altogether to utterly and despicably twist, convolute and pervert the law to suit the prosecution you want.

Particularly where there is a chance of imprisonment of six months on this offence. Cryer lost his liberties, both physical and financial, illegally.

This is Soviet style justice by our courts. It is Kafkaeseque. It is sick and it is certainly contrary to all things British. It is a sure route to arbitrary government and a destruction of the rule of law.

The provision under which Cryer was prosecuted is The Communications Act 2003, section 127.

This provision and The Communications Act of 2003 was solely designed to do with public broadcasting and not acts by private individuals. The Act is to do with public broadcasting of radios and OFCOM’s regulatory powers.

The clear irrational breach of Parliamentary intent by pursuing this prosecution by the CPS is obvious. Not only was the Act not designed to deal with this, the heading of the specific section used by the CPS to prosecute Cryer is titled ‘PUBLIC’.

This makes it clear it was never designed to cover tweets by individuals, and thus CPS decision to prosecute and the sentence Cryer under this provision is ILLEGAL. (What administrative lawyers call ‘beyond the powers (or law)’ available to a public body).

Jim Brisbane, the misguided Chief Crown Prosecutor for CPS Wales seems to be congratulating himself over the prison sentence.

Even more worryingly Lord Sugar, tweeted: 'good job, be warned idiots'. He is wholly misinformed, he has no idea of the road we are heading down – it is road where regulatory statutes such as the Communications Act 2003 are used to send people to prison.

Following this example, the CPS may wish individuals to be charged under law designed to control another body such as OFCOM.

Perhaps the prosecutors could pick some laws from dental practitioners regulations on hygiene in surgeries, to charge persons who drop litter on their front lawns in order to get them locked-up.

In a country which has a history of valuing the integrity of one’s body (through habeas corpus) against the state, and the importance of the letter of the law- these are anxious times indeed for all those concerned with Britsh Liberty, such as my colleagues in the Freedom of Speech think-tank, Discourse UK.

The Home Secretary must step in and chastise the CPS and end prosecutions under the Communications Act of 2003, as unpopular as that may be.

From Abhijit Pandya's Blog.

Race Obsession In The United Kingdom

I've spent years defending the House of Lords against those obsessed with people they perceive to be a priveleged throwback. Then this morning up pops a news report that shows the House of Lords to be an out of touch throwback.

They have finally caught up with the politically correct race obsessives and have produced a report banging on about 'diversity' in the judiciary. They think that people will lose faith in the judiciary if there aren't more black people and women. If I was up before the beak on a serious charge I don't think the sex or race of the judge would be the biggest thing on my mind.

I have never yet heard a group of people, politicos or normal people, discussing their fears that the judiciary may not truly represent the diversity of twenty-first century Britain. What I do hear regularly is people discussing how pissed off they are with the ruling elite, and the Guardian reading brainwashed brigade, constantly banging on about racism, sexism and homophobia.

Take two examples from the world of football. Footballer Luis Suarez calls an opponent a "black bastard" and he is banned for eight games and is treated like a pariah. John Terry is alleged to have said similar and he is stripped of the England captaincy and faces criminal charges after the European championships. Don't get me wrong, two pretty unpleasant people in my view but that's that.

Lee Hughes, who currently plays for Notts County, went to clink for causing death by dangerous driving and leaving the scene of the crime. He walked out of clink straight into a new job. Paul Gascoigne, among many other things, admitted to a newspaper some years back that he regularly beat his wife. Gascoigne is treated like a national mascot.

Is it any wonder many peoples' perception is that race related offences carry much harsher punishment than mugging, killing and many other crimes? It's this pereception that causes people to swing to the far-right much more than the sight of black and Asian faces on the streets. By and large if you leave people to get on they will get on. The politically correct obsession with race breeds resentment and fuels support for the far-right.

The report claims that 'only' 10% of the judiciary are from ethnic minorities. Last time I looked much less than 10% of the population came from ethnic minorities, so what are they banging on about? Only 22% of the judiciary are women. I'll bet it was a lot less 25 years ago, so let them continue to work their way up to being judges on merit. Or do these out of touch peers think women and ethnic minorities are incapable of achieving under their own steam?

Personally I hope that our judiciary is impartial and that if I do end up in a court that I would be treated fairly whether the judge is black, female, gay or whatever. If, as the Lords' report says, we need a judiciary that truly represents our society today do they mean we should actually have a proportion of murderers, racists, paedophiles and all the rest on the bench?

Socialist Hypocrites

Manchester City Council wants to charge people for using the NHS. Where's the uproar? Free at point of delivery? Not if this Labour Council gets its way. Where are all the whining socialists who have been claiming these last 50 years that the Tories are about to privatise the glorious nationalised health system now Labour are actually threatening to charge for it?

Oh, it's for people using A&E because they've been drinking, so that's OK then. Well it's not OK actually, but I suppose now the gullible majority of the population have been softened up by the puritanical propaganda of the health fascists, they'll just accept it, 'for our own good'.

Well just think about this, drinking will be the thin end of the wedge, these things always are. If they get away with this what will be next? Maybe you end up breaking a leg on a football field on a Sunday morning. Silly boy, you chose to play a dangerous game, why should taxpayers pay for your treatment? You caused that nasty car crash did you? Well here's a bill for your treatment. Well, if you're daft enough to go jogging at your age, and in your condition, it's no surprise you've had a heart attack. Here's your bill for treatment.

Here are a few scenarios to ponder:

Fred is on his merry way home from the pub after 10 pints. He's perfectly merry but gets jumped by a couple of stone cold sober chavs who kick him unconscious and nick his wallet. When he is found unconscious by the police and taken to A&E does he have to pay? No witnesses.
Fred is on his merry way home from the pub after 10 pints. He's a violent prat when he's been drinking and kicks off a fight with a couple of lads on their way home. They run and he passes out. When he is found unconscious by the police and taken to A&E does he have to pay? No witnesses.

In 1980 a group of us had left the pub and were on our way to a club in Manchester. On Market Street I was kicking a can for a football. The girl I was with kicked the can and her clog flew off. As it did a friend of mine turned to say something to us and the clog hit him full on the nose. Hilarious for us, not for him, he ended up in A&E with a broken nose. He was drunk but the accident was not down to drink. Should he have had to pay?

And when people start whining about the cost to the NHS of dealing with drunks, remember how much those drinkers have put into the kitty in alcohol duty, income tax, national insurance and every other exhorbitant tax the government stings us for.

Remember, the thin end of the wedge.

The Power of Positive Drinking

As the state's onslaught on our little pleasures, such as tobacco and booze, continues apace I've been singing a Lou Reed song all week. But don't panic, especially if you heard me singing at The Grand in Lancaster last month, it was only in my head. But I thought I'd share it with you. The lyrics are after the song. Take it away Lou:


Some like wine and some like hops
but what I really love is my scotch
It's the power, the power of positive drinking

Some people ruin their drinks with ice
and then they, they ask you for advice
They tell you, "I've never told anyone this before"

They say: "Candy is dandy but liquor makes quipsters."
and I don't like mixers, or sippers or sob sisters,
You know, you have to be real careful where you sit down in a bar these days

And then some people drink to unleash their libidos
and other people drink to prop up their egos
It's my burdon, man, people say I have the kind of face you can trust

Some people say, alcohol makes you less lucid
and I think that's true if you're kind of stupid
I'm not that kind that get's himself burned twice

And some say liquor kills the cells in your head
and for that matter so does getting out of bed
When I exit, I'll go out gracefully, shot in my hand

Nanny State-Up Yours!

My beloved's mother is in rehab. No, she's not some kind of geriatric Amy Winehouse, she was rendered housebound around five years ago by our incompetent, nationalised health system and earlier this year landed herself in hospital again following a fall.

Anyway, earlier this week I went with my beloved to visit her mum and we took her outside in her wheelchair for a quick fag. We settled her in the sun, she put her fag of choice between her lips but didn't have a light, her lighter had been confiscated by the 'care staff'. We found her a light and she had a satisfying puff.

Today my beloved went to see her mum and had to replenish her stash of weed, so she went to Sainsbury's for ten Silk Cut (purple). They were closetted behind white screens away from the gaze of the public like hand maidens of the Lord, or vestel virgins secreted away from the gaze of sinners. The cashier respectfully opened the protective blinds on the magical goods behind but came back to inform Mrs B that they had no tens in Silk Cut (purple).

Mrs B asked to look at what other similar fags they had but was told by the state supply operative (supplier) that she couldn't let my beloved look at the products as that would constitute the operative "encouraging her to consume tobacco". She was directed to a price list at the end of the counter.

If my beloved wasn't a worldly wise ex-smoker she may have looked at the price of Park Drive, Senior Service or Woodbine and thought: "Oooh, I'll treat my mum to some of those, they must be really good quality at that price!!" Don't suppose the health fascists think like that that not living in the real world.

Despite the best (or worst) efforts of the NHS my m-in-law still survives at 88. Surely she should be allowed a fag in peace.

My Tax Statement

This week I've been really pissed off with people expressing hatred of anybody who has a few more bob than them minimising their tax liabilities. If they love paying tax so bloody much then make a few voluntray extra payments to HMRC, I'm sure Giddy Osborne and co would be very grateful.

If any of those jumping on the 'tax 'em 'til the pips squeak' bandwagon have never tried to minimise tax contributions I might respect them, although I would still disagree. But I'll bet they've bought duty free  goods at some time. I bet they've bought cheap booze and fags in France and elsewhere at some time. I'll bet they've filled up their tanks at Calais to avoid paying our ludicrously high fuel duty a little longer when they get back. I bet they've filled their fuel tanks the day before a budget to avoid paying extra duty. I bet they've made charitable donations by gift aid thus depriving the exchequer of income towards the NHS or whatever. I bet they've saved in an ISA or some other 'tax efficient' saving scheme.

My moral duty is to provide as best I can for my family. My moral duty is not, and never will be, to waste hard earned cash by pouring any more than I have to into the bottomless pockets of the state. My moral obligation is to pay as little tax as I legally can. And if I'm one day worth millions I will still live by the same principles.

Sack The Mithering Politicians

The devil makes work for idle hands is so very true of our politicians. With over 70% of our laws coming from our European Union masters there has been no decrease in the number of conmen in the House of Commons. Indeed we now have many more politicians and bureaucrats mithering and bullying us than we ever had when we had the world's greatest empire.

In all affairs at the moment we seem to have a government that is incapable of independent thought, let alone independent action. In addition to the EU we slavishly follow what our allies do, whether formally through NATO or the United Nations, or by grovellingly kowtowing to the United States. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a USA basher by any stretch of the imagination, they are fine allies to have and valuable friends. What I find demeaning as a British citizen is the way Blair/Brown/Cameron have slavishly followed the lead of Bush/Obama. As the Americans look set to jettison the vacuous Obama Cameron was over there grovelling and smarming around him while ignoring conservatives in the Republican Party. Cameron is a visionless 'yes man' who should be dumped by his party at the first opportunity.

This lack of vision, and selling out to supranational bodies, means that our politicians have nothing to do but micromanage our lives. For decades the National Health Service and education have been political footballs undergoing endless reform, reorganisation and restructuring at a cost of millions by successive governments. Despite all that, and years of waste by Conservative and Labour governments, the emotional retards on the left have been crying and screaming about the Tories privatising the NHS, since the 1970s in my memory, probably earlier. Sadly no Conservative government has had the guts to privatise it. I still can't work out why the people who hate politicians the most are the happiest to have them in charge of our health and education services.

Now we have elected mayors. Why? What for? We are soon to have elected police commissioners. Why? What for? Are those councillors previously responsible for what these misfits are going to do going to get the axe? Don't make me laugh! Politicians are busy using our tax money creating ever more gravy trains for each other, stuff the cost to mugs like you and me. At least two current Labour MPs are going for these new jobs, Manchester MP Tony Lloyd for Police Commissioner, Birmingham MP Gisella Stuart for elected Mayor. Why doesn't a pair of lefties going faster than Usain Bolt to clamber onboard a new gravy train surprise me?

Now, to try and reassure us the government is to send us all a breakdown of how our tax money is spent. The patronising bastards! How many bureaucrats will it take to produce that? Will it include how much tax is wasted on pointless bureaucratic exercises such as sending us all a breakdown of how our tax is wasted? Will it include a breakdown of how much our sponging parasite politicians really cost us? Thought not.

But as long we have millions of useful idiots in this country, whose answer to everything is 'the government should spend more', then government will get away with it. When the idiots realise that government can only spend our money, which means ever higher taxes, politicians will have carte blanche. Or maybe the useful idiots like the idea of 100 year bonds, they probably don't give a toss about our grandchildren and great gandchildren being saddled with a huge debt crisis, as long as they're alright. Socialism in practice.

Mother's Day

We pray for all mothers throughout the world,

may they experience the joy and appreciation of those they have brought into the world, and may they be blessed today as they are surrounded by a loving family.

FC United of Manchester-Real Football

It's been some time since I wrote about FC United of Manchester so here goes, a bit of an update for you.

Our club was formed when the Glazers took over Manchester United. Don't get me wrong, that wasn't the sole reason. For years we had seen football being screwed by money men who had turned big clubs into huge corporations so far removed from the idea of a sports club that you could barely recognise them. I say 'our club' because it is owned by the fans. If a rich Arab wanted to buy the club 51% of us would have to vote yes. We had a vote about having a shirt sponsor. We voted no. It's quite simple and it works, if you're interested in real football and the ethics of your club rather than selling your heritage and soul to buy a trophy or two.

Does anybody think Abramovitch woke up every Sunday morning from childhood desperate to find out how Chelsea went on the day before? No, it's his play thing. That's another thing too, football on a Saturday afternoon. Remember those days? If you don't there was a time when football games kicked off at 3-00pm on a Saturday, or midweek on a Wednesday night. When Newcastle play Southampton on a Monday night do the authorities actually give a toss about the supporters? Course not, they get more cash from the telly than those mugs who buy tickets.

Today FC United are playing in the Evo-Stick Northern Premier League. We had rapid promotion from the North West Counties League, where we started life in 2005, and lost the play-off final last season to Colwyn Bay, who are now doing very well in the Conference North. We're away to Henesford Town today and I'll be picking up one of the supporters' coaches around 11-30 in the shadow of Old Trafford, a sweet irony. Hednesford is a huge game as they are up there in the play-off spots where we are fighting to be. There will be well over 1000 fans at the game when the average in this league is around 250. Our home games usually attract around 2000 and we have over 3000 members.

"So what's it like giving up your season ticket at one of the world's biggest clubs to watch non-league?" I get asked a lot. And I always answer that I haven't enjoyed my football as much as I have these last seven years in decades. When I was travelling to watch United in Barcelona, Florence, Athens, Prague, Turin and many more wonderful European cities, I never dreamt that I would soon be travelling to Northwich, Whitby and North Ferriby instead, and loving it!

So if your sick of the sterile atmosphere, the ridiculous price of a leather-burger let alone the astronomical ticket prices at your league club get down to your local non-league club. You'll probably pay well under a tenner, find a cosy clubhouse selling proper, affordable beer and you can have a bit of banter with the other fans without facing a line of yellow jacketed jobsworth stewards and hyper-twitchy robocops in riot gear. In other words, a proper Saturday afternoon. You can even swap ends at half time.

Bloody hell, is that the time? Better get ready to drive to Old Trafford to get the coach to Hednesford Town FC. . It's a true promotion six pointer. Will we win promotion this season? It would be nice, but if we don't it will mean another trip to Whitby (if they don't blow it and get relegated) next season for fantastic fish and chips before the game. Now that beats tapas before a game at the Nou Camp any time.

Motorways-Germany and England

Doing a lot of driving recently I had time to think about our motorways and German autobahns. I once reached 140mph on an autobahn which was great fun. It was a big flash hire car but I doubt I'd have had to face the music if I'd crashed, it was comforting to think I'd have probably know nothing about it at that speed . It was perfectly legal too and I have never felt in any danger on a German autobahn.

Different story here where pillocks sit in the middle lane or cut you up swinging across your front bumper as they nearly miss their junctions. On Tuesday I even had a misfit barely going over 40mph on the motorway causing all kinds of fun and games.

That got me thinking about the difference between us and the Germans. I think two songs about roads sum up the difference between us and our German friends. Here is the German one:



Here is the English one:



Yes they are aren't they?

Time For A Yorkshireman Joke

As a Lancastrian from Manchester it's great fun taking the mickey out of Yorkshiremen and Scousers, and they love having a pop at us just as much. But I've had many a pop at Scousers on here so here's a joke about Yorkshiremen:

A Yorkshireman' s wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it. He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral.
True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look. When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin".
He explodes - "Fooking 'ell man, you've left the fooking "e" out, you've left the fooking "e" out!" The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.
Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you". The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud - "E, she were thin".

If you don't like that one how about this very old one:

An actor in Hollywood goes for an audition. He wows the director but he calls the actor to one side:
"I'd love to give you the part" he says "but you must change that name".
"Why?  What's wrong with my name?" he asks.
"Well it's a good wholesome family film and your name could possibly cause offence".
"But I've been called Penis von Lesbian all my life and it's never caused offence yet" Protested the actor.
"Come back in two days with a new name or you don't get the part" demanded the director.
Two days later the actor returns: "OK", he says, " what about Dick van Dyke?"

The Jam-Beat Surrender

This is what you call energetic:



Them were t'days!

Chelsea v Tesco In The Champions League Quarter Final

At least if Chelsea draw Tesco in the last eight of the European Champions League we are guaranteed one English club in the semi-finals. It was  especially encouraging to hear that like Chelsea a week or so ago, Tesco have just got rid of their boss after a poor run of results since Christmas.

Since breaking into the top four in spectacular fashion Tesco have become complacent and are planning a complete revamp of their ageing squad. Indeed I saw their right winger Hartlepool Branch yesterday and it was looking very tired and lethargic, and that was on a Tuesday morning, how it could cope with the full rigours of a Saturday afternoon with a huge crowd I don't know.

Personally I would like to see a final involving those two entertaining giants of Europe Barcelona and Nestle. After spending years as a slumbering giant, as were Real Madrid in the late 70s and early 80s, Nestle are back on centre stage and are once again serious contenders for European honours. Pep Guardiola could be leaving Barca at the end of the season and what a grand finale for him. It is rumoured that Chelsea could be luring Guardiola to Stamford Bridge but but don't discount him replacing Brasher as boss at Tesco.

But my money is on a late swoop by newly renamed Manchester Arsenal FC to take Guardiola to the Etihad Stadium on a salary that neither Chelsea, Tesco nor even Sainsbury could match. My spy tells me that Manchester Arsenal are planning to take every member of staff from Arsenal FC over the summer, including the tea lady, leaving Arsene Wenger to start rebuilding for a glorious new era.

OK I've made that up. But that's how I feel about English football. Two huge corporations like Chelsea v Manchester City excites me as much as reading about Tesco pipping Sainsbury in the battle for Christmas sales. It's all about money. Big deal.

The Joke That Is The Olympics

What I can't understand about the Olympics is how people who never go near an athletics meeting, or even watch one on TV start going gaga when the Olympics come round and would kill to get their hands on a ticket to see a race that lasts 10 seconds.

As if the cash involved did'nt make a big enough mockery of the 'Olympic ideal' we now have the vulgar joke of the British Olympic chiefs touting for athletes from around the world to join them in the hope of picking up a couple more medals when the vile circus turns up in London this summer. The latest, and there are several others, is Yamile Adama who has pulled on a vest for Cuba where she was actually born, Sudan and now Britain. Not only that but she could even captain the UK team.

So what has happened to the millions and millions of public money spent on facilities and training for the next generation of UK athletes? Or was it all spent on that huge politico/bureaucratic vanity project known as 'the Olympics' and stuff the future of our homegrown young athletes?

Like the Irish football team of old, when having once had a pint of Guiness qualified a half decent player to join the Irish national team, that athlete you are cheering on for a British gold medal may be no more British than the President of Argentina.

Health Fascists Are Everywhere!

Have you ever wondered how much of your taxes is spent on those mithering, badgering health warnings that are popping up like a plague of pox all over the country? Have you ever wondered how much of your tax money is spent on those mithering, badgering 'studies' that we are told about on a daily basis that tell us how we are going to die early if we eat, drink and breathe?

I'm reaching the end of my tether. I am considering how to stop it without landing myself in Strangeways.


This morning the BBC was telling us we will all die if we eat pork pies and bacon. This week, after decades of being told to eat five portions of fruit and veg a day or we'll die, the dentists are telling us that we will lose all our teeth if we eat our five a day. Then I suppose we'll be told that only eating liquidised food, or food we can suck, will lead to a premature death.

These last few days I've been working silly hours with ludicrously early starting times in different parts of the North West. This means I listen to radio a great deal and sit in traffic jams. On Friday night I went to bed early in a rage because I was sick of those adverts on TV telling me that if my 'poo' is soft I've got bowel cancer, in my case it's usually a dodgy vindaloo the night before. But I've ranted about that before. So on Saturday I left home at 5-30am to get to Liverpool, where I thought I was going to join a riot for a film being made there and would be able to legally kick a Scouser and get paid for it. As it happens I was part of a crowd attacking a prison van with child murderers in it, and had a great laugh with the Scousers I was working with.

Anyway, on the M58 into Liverpool I had road rage. I was listening to a commercial radio station and an advert came on telling me that if my 'poo'was soft I had bowel cancer. I screamed and turned the radio off. I joined the A59 when I left the motorway and got stuck behind a bus. My eyes wandered from the back seat of the bus to an advert beneath it telling me that if my 'poo' was soft I had bowel cancer. I was about to jump out and rip the ad off the bus when the traffic lights changed to green. I screamed and thumped my dashboard.

So the next time you hear about some poor soul with a terrible disease who has been refused drugs on the grounds of cost, remember that all the money has gone on idiot campaigns to make us all hypochondriacs and paranoics. We must be wasting thousands and thousands of GP hours, and millions of pounds, going to see about our bowel cancer when it's nothing more than Ghandi's Revenge.

I think as a civilisation we are becoming morbidly self-obsessed. Probably a symptom of our moral decline.

Fighting To Save Marriage

As the onslaught against Christianity continues, with Dave and his Coalition pledging to end the traditional marriage, the Archbishops of Westminster and Southwark have issued the following pastoral letter, read out to parishioners throught the country at Mass this morning. You can sign the petition against this attack by the government on the Coalition For Marriage website.

A Letter on Marriage from the President and Vice-President of the Bishops’ Conference of

England and Wales

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Jesus Christ,

This week the Coalition Government is expected to present its consultation paper on the proposed change in the legal definition of marriage so as to open the institution of marriage to same-sex partnerships.

Today we want to put before you the Catholic vision of marriage and the light it casts on the importance of marriage for our society.

The roots of the institution of marriage lie in our nature. Male and female we have been created, and writteninto our nature is this pattern of complementarity and fertility. This pattern is, of course, affirmed by many other religious traditions. Christian teaching fills out this pattern and reveals its deepest meaning, but neither the Church nor the State has the power to change this fundamental understanding of marriage itself. Nor is this simply a matter of public opinion.

Understood as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman, and for the creation and upbringingof children, marriage is an expression of our fundamental humanity. Its status in law is the prudent fruit of experience, for the good of the spouses and the good of the family. In this way society esteems the married couple as the source and guardians of the next generation. As an institution marriage is at the foundation of our society.

There are many reasons why people get married. For most couples, there is an instinctive understanding that the stability of a marriage provides the best context for the flourishing of their relationship and for bringing up their children. Society recognises marriage as an important institution for these same reasons: to enhance stability in society and to respect and support parents in the crucial task of having children and bringing them up as well as possible.

The Church starts from this appreciation that marriage is a natural institution, and indeed the Church

recognises civil marriage. The Catholic understanding of marriage, however, raises this to a new level. As theCatechism says: ‘The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, by its nature is ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptised persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.’ (para.1601)

These rather abstract words are reflected however imperfectly in the experience of married couples. We know that at the heart of a good marriage is a relationship of astonishing power and richness, for the couple, their children, their wider circle of friends and relations and society. As a Sacrament, this is a place where divine grace flows. Indeed, marriage is a sharing in the mystery of God’s own life: the unending and perfect flow of love between Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

We know, too, that just as God’s love is creative, so too the love of husband and wife is creative of new life. It is open, in its essence, to welcoming new life, ready to love and nurture that life to its fullness, not only here on earth but also into eternity.

This is a high and noble vision, for marriage is a high and noble vocation. It is not easily followed. But we are sure that Christ is at the heart of marriage, for his presence is a sure gift of the God who is Love, who wants nothing more than for the love of husband and wife to find its fulfilment. So the daily effort that marriage requires, the many ways in which family living breaks and reshapes us, is a sharing in the mission of Christ, that of making visible in the world the creative and forgiving love of God.

In these ways we understand marriage to be a call to holiness for a husband and wife, with children

recognised and loved as the gift of God, with fidelity and permanence as the boundaries which create its sacred space. Marriage is also a crucial witness in our society, contributing to its stability, its capacity for compassion and forgiveness and its future, in a way that no other institution can.

In putting before you these thoughts about why marriage is so important, we also want to recognise the

experience of those who have suffered the pain of bereavement or relationship breakdown and their

contribution to the Church and society. Many provide a remarkable example of courage and fidelity. Many strive to make the best out of difficult and complex situations. We hope that they are always welcomed and helped to feel valued members of our parish communities.

The reasons given by our government for wanting to change the definition of marriage are those of equality and discrimination. But our present law does not discriminate unjustly when it requires both a man and a woman for marriage. It simply recognises and protects the distinctive nature of marriage.

Changing the legal definition of marriage would be a profoundly radical step. Its consequences should be taken seriously now. The law helps to shape and form social and cultural values. A change in the law would gradually and inevitably transform society’s understanding of the purpose of marriage. It would reduce it just to the commitment of the two people involved. There would be no recognition of the complementarity of male and female or that marriage is intended for the procreation and education of children.

We have a duty to married people today, and to those who come after us, to do all we can to ensure that the true meaning of marriage is not lost for future generations.

With every blessing.

Most Reverend Vincent Nichols Archbishop of Westminster

President of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales

Most Reverend Peter Smith

Archbishop of Southwark

Vice-President of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales

Shafting The Motorist!

I've just had the journey from hell. I live around five miles from Lancaster but it took forty five minutes. Lancashire County Council and the Lancashire Police seem to hate motorists. In recent days we have had numerous new speed limit signs appear in our streets, and invariably the speed limits have changed. 30mph limits are down to 20mph limits. 40mph limits are down to 30mph and so on. The same stretch of road, no change in population or building density, and it suddenly changes from 40 to 30mph for no apparent reason. Then bang, you hit a speed camera.

This whole area is suddenly plastered with speed signs. It looks to me like they are splashing out on speed signs to use up their leftover budgets before the end of the financial year. Or some dodgy bureaucrat or councillor has shares in a sign company.

There is ample evidence that the less 'furniture' there is cluttering our streets the safer they become. The idiots in control in this country seem to think that turning our streets into obstacle courses with warning signs every five yards, chicanes, speed humps and ever more complex traffic light sytems is helpful. Well it's not you pillocks! Like every other aspect of life piss off and get off our backs, life would be much more bearable if you did!

Read this article about shared space in Drachten.

Or this article about shared space in Bohmte.

Problem here is your nanny state doesn't trust you. And don't even get me started on those patronising effin' signs that light up a smiley face if you are under the limit and frown if you are speeding. Or bloody mothers who treat other motorists like potential child killers, then drive abominably and park even worse when picking up little Kylie or Jason from school because the fat little pampered brats can't waddle the mile home on their own.

They deserve their own post. But I'm off for a brew now.

Gay Marriage And Homophobia

I've had a restless day today, for various reasons and have followed in the media with interest some of the debate around 'gay marriage', especially in relation to Cardinal O'Brien's comments. What has struck me quite forcefully is the pure venom and intolerance of so many in the gay lobby towards anybody who disagrees with them, especially those with a religious position. The minute somebody disagrees with the concept of 'gay marriage' they are dismissed as 'homophobes' as if they are incapable of rational thought. I have heard Cardinal O'Brien described as 'evil' today and the Catholic church attacked as 'hateful' and 'full of paedophiles'. In fact if the vile attacks on the Catholic church I've heard today were used about a race or about gay people the abuser would be pretty promptly charged with a hate crime.

For the record I oppose the concept of 'gay marriage'. Marriage is between a man and a woman, it's that simple. On the other hand I have no problem with civil partnerships for gay people, but let's not pretend that marriage can suddenly become something it is not, that is fundamentally dishonest.  That is not homophobic, it is just a clearly logical position and in fairness, I have heard a couple of more rational gay people making that point themselves today.

The problem with the militant political gay lobby is that they are so strident they actually create a negative response from many people who may otherwise be tolerant, if not sympathetic. As with any overly strident campaigning group on any issue they lose the middle ground.

Take the case of gay adoption. The power of the gay lobby is such that adoption agencies that would not, on grounds of conscience, place children with gay couples have been closed down. There is no tolerance of people who, on grounds of conscience, could not place a child with a gay couple. I wouldn't place a child with a gay couple, but neither would I close down agencies that do place children with gay couples. I would actually like to be allowed to make the decision myself and not be pilloried as some kind of extreme gay hater, which I am not. I just believe that children need a mother and a father.

It seems to me that as a nation we are becoming slaves to minority pressure groups, and the silent majority are being increasingly attacked and in some cases oppressed, especially those who describe themselves as Christians.

Stuff The Coalition. Here Comes The Lancashire Democratic Front!

Lancashire Democratic Front on training exercises

On my way back from Mass this morning, while Bob at the Munch Box was griddling the bacon and sausage for our Sunday treats, I was thinking about the government. It didn't put me off my brekkie, I have a very tough constitution and enjoy my food too much, but I did decide that I would abstain at the next general election. What set me off on this train of thought?

Take Syria. Assad and his dad before him have ruled that place for all my living memory, and as far as I know have not been elected. So when a gang of misfits kick off our government recognises the rampaging nutters as the legitimate government, even though they are trying to come to power by killing a few thousand people. Seeing how our government fawns over what we used to call terrorist groups it's no wonder nutters have kicked off all over the Middle East. But for every government action there is a reaction.

Now then, if you're stuck with a government that wasn't elected the Western powers will back you if you take up arms against your oppressors. Look at Syria, Libya et al. Now forgive me but did you see the choice 'Poxy Bunch of Nobhead Tories and Lib Dems in Coalition' on the ballot paper in 2010? Neither did I. Just like Syria and Libya we have a government that not a single one of us voted for. Surely we should rise up against this unelected bunch of misfits.

I am now considering starting the Lancashire Democratic Front. Surely if it's good enough for Libyans and Syrians it's good enough for us, and we really do need to get rid of this government for the sake of our sanity. If you would like to join me please get in touch. I would ask for donations of military hardware but a joke like that in this nanny state we live in could land me in Strangeways or Guantanamo Bay.

Roxy Music Time!

Last week I was getting the adrenalin rush of performing in a play at a theatre I fell in love with the first time I saw a production there sixteen years ago. My beloved has only just got over her end of run hangover.

This week has been a little flat, although I did get my first telly work this year which is good. I went for a casting in Manchester on Wednesday and got a part in a TV commercial, as did a good mate of mine who I enjoy working with. Filming next week somewhere in the North West which will be good fun.

This week the news hasn't been exciting enough to stimulate a great deal of blogging. The government still doing its best to screw up the Middle East by pratting around in Syria. The European Union pretending they have a solution to the cock-up that is the Euro. Strange how they seem to think endless summits will solve the problem. Which reminds me, I was asked yesterday if I had any financial dependents. I answered: "Yes, the population of Greece!" Boom, boom!

So to end the week I thought a bit of Roxy Music would go down well. In my humble opinion Bryan Ferry has never written or sung a bad song, so I'm always spoilt for choice. I went for Psalm, off the Stranded album:

The Monkees' Davy Jones RIP

I was sad to hear of the death of Davy Jones who died yesterday. Funny that even though I saw The Monkees in the early eighties on one of their reunion tours I can still only see him as he was on the TV when I watched their wacky TV show as a kid.

Jones was born in one of the terraced houses in Openshaw, the district of East Manchester next to Gorton where I grew up. The family then moved to the posh bit of Gorton, on the other side of Debdale Park to us, next to Denton. He appeared in Coronation Street before he was lured to the States to join the Monkees.

An abiding memory of my childhood is my dad coming home from work moaning about all the screaming girls he'd had to fight his way through to get to Davy Jones' parents' front door. He was their postman and he had to fight through hundreds of screaming girls waiting to see him if he was due back from the States.

RIP