RBS and the European Union

I'm no financial wizard, ask my bank manager, but I did get an Economics 'O' level. Having said that I've about as much idea how to run a country's economy as Gordon Brown, in other words zilch. For example when the banks were going tits up why didn't we just let them go and just leave the healthy ones to survive?

Now we have the European Union bossing us about, never a good thing. They have told the government, meaning us as it is the taxpayers who own RBS, that we must sell off over 300 branches to be fair to our competitors.

What next? When Manchester United next play in Europe will they have to sell half their squad to the opposition to give them a fair chance? It doesn't make sense to me.

Bloody Sunday-The Saville Report

The Saville Report has proved two things, that the IRA have won and that Cameron, with his grovelling apology, is every bit as big a shit as Brown, Blair and the rest.

The squaddies fight back.

Pamplona Bull Run

We were out to dinner on Sunday and got talking about our trip to Pamplona a few years ago. If you are off to Pamplona next month good luck, you'll need it. But never relax thinking you've done it, learn from this video and don't relax until you're in a bar at about lunchtime!



And not a vuvuzela to be heard!

Health and Safety

So the government has announced a review of health and safety legislation, no doubt wasting millions of pounds in the process. Tell you what, I'll save them a fortune, for £1m I'll do it for them. Here's the result:

Scrap it all and tell people to use their commonsense. Then, if they have a mishap, tell them it's down to experience, that's life.

Belgium Mirroring the EU?

Belgium is often cited as the model for the European Union, which it increasingly seems to be. Just as the EU is unloved and largely unwanted so is the Belgian state to many in that country. At the time of the World Cup it is worth bearing in mind that there is little passion in Belgium for the national football team, a sign of a lack of national identity.

Now, with Begium's economy being compared to Greece's, the survival of Belgium as a single state is in doubt with Flemish nationalists achieving excellent results in the Belgian elections. Who knows, the Belgian state could crumble just as the EU state crumbles, leaving behind a series of mini-states as EU regionalisation splits previous nations apart, as the fall of communism did in Eastern Europe.

Interesting times.

Vuvuzelas and Suicide Notes

Found by the body of a fat man in a replica England shirt, with a bottle of whisky in one hand an empty bottle of pills in the other:

My Dear Family

I've waited for months to watch the World Cup but I can't bear it any more. The horns, aka Vuvuzelas for some reason, are eating at my brain. I have nightmares and can't sleep. Death seems the only release.

Please forgive me but suicide is the only option.

I'd rather be Robert Green than hear another bloody horn.

Darren

Following my post on Friday about the World Cup things have got a whole lot worse. I spoke to quite a few people yesterday who are either not watching the World Cup now, or watching only the England games, others are watching games but with the sound down.

It must be some kind of post-apartheid punishment on the rest of the world.

Word Cup South Africa 2010

Am I the only person in the world who is already sick of the slobbering and drooling over South Africa?

When the World Cup is held anywhere else the host country isn't treated like the most spoilt little bastard in the neighbourhood. So South Africa suffered apartheid for years and is now a democracy, with all the associated problems, surely it's time we stopped patronising them and treated them like any other country. What is interesting is that South Africa is the first African country considered fit to host the world's biggest sporting occasion, despite its recent history.

On BBC radio this morning the oh so politically correct reporters have been drooling about how the people of Soweto are the most fanatical football supporters in the world. Are they really? And how South Africans are the best singers in the world. They haven't heard Chico's World Cup song! In fact South Africa is truly Heaven on Earth. In fact Heaven is shit by comparison.

They've been drooling about the wonderous Vuvuzelas of the South African fans. I thought these must be some ancient mystical charm that would ensure South African victory, but the really annoying horns in the background were driving me to distraction. Sorry, they weren't just annoying horns, they were the bloody Vuvezelas as modelled by the Elton John tribute artist above. If they are going to be blaring through every game I'll be watching with the sound off, they're worse than that bloody band that follows England around.

Then up pops Jeremy Hardy on Twitter to make the following statement:

"I hate the World Cup. The whole of England is decked out like a Loyalist estate".

Really Jeremy? Only if you're a brain dead Marxist bastard who should have been shot at birth. But then again, the politically correct despise ther own but worship all things foreign, like South Africa. Blind, obsessive love of any country in Africa or Asia is fine, but a show of patriotic fervour about a sporting event has you likened to a gun wielding religious bigot who is a danger to the world. What a wanker!

So, just to show a huge v-sign, in my own small way, to wankers like Jeremy Hardy, we are now proudly flying a Cross of St George outside the Schloss Beaman.

Having said all that I am sure it will be an excellent World Cup and I wish I was there.

Football Songs-Fat Les, New Order and Black Grape

Three of my favourites. Can you spot Matt Lucas in one of them?



Incredibly this one was New Order's only No 1 in the UK:



Black Grape with Joe Strummer and Lily's dad popping up again. 'My wife's lactating and I'm spectating', you don't get a line like that in your average football song:

The Queen and the World Cup

As the World Cup approaches I can't help wondering about the position of the British Royal Family in certain scenarios.

When Greece play, does Prince Philip get kebabs delivered and sink a bottle of Ouzo watching the game while smashing plates on the palace floor?

If, as seems inevitable at some stage, England play Germany is the Queen a Windsor or does she don a replica Germany shirt and revert to Frau Saxe Coburg Gotha? After all there are millions of people claiming to be Irish because they drink in a bar called O'Flaherty's and once visited Dublin, much more tenuous than Lizzie's Germanic heritage.

But if Germany should win the World Cup again, especially if they knock England out, could it trigger a constitutional crisis? Would there be calls for the Queen to abdicate in favour of a full bloodied English monarch. A man such as Prince Harry.

The FIFA World Cup Guide

Our noble army of Ingerlund fans have started arriving in foreign parts. But we really know the World Cup is approaching because the health fascists have kicked off before the games have.

It's strange this year because there haven't been dire warnings of violence in South Africa, probably because there is so much there normally anyway it'll just blend in, and the police at airports haven't been confiscating passports from people wearing football shirts on their way to Cape Town or Marbella. But paranoia is still rampant.

What is really surprising this time is that the health fascist paranoics are targetting us, the armchair fans. I've seen fascists in the media lecturing us about reducing our alcohol intake when Ingerlund play. My problem with that is if I don't get completely bladdered I remember how shit the game was the next day, that's not good, especially if you remember who missed that final penalty in the shoot out with Germany/Argentina/Portugal/Italy etc.

They've also been lecturing us about eating healthy food such as Meditteranean salad, veggie kebabs and low fat dips with your portion of two Pringles per game. Now in my humble opinion that is never going to rescue your liver from the fifteen pints of lager, two bottles of wine and half a bottle of Bacardi consumed thanks to the early kick offs. And that's before you go out to drown your sorrows, or a German tourist if they beat us.

I was brought up believing that mopping that level of alcohol up, thus avoiding cirrhosis, needs pork scratchings (x 6 packets), cheese and onion crisps (x 10 packets) and a donner kebab at half time followed by chipsticks (x 4) and a packet of Dorritos with full fat hummus for the second half. Then after the game a chicken vindaloo, Bombay potato, keema rice and a garlic nan finished off with a mango kulfi, all washed down with four pints of Kingfisher.

Just to be on the safe side you should then ideally have half a pound of stilton and an optional half bottle of port when you stagger back to the house. If indigestion is a worry have two or three large measures of Armagnac before bed. If you still remember the awful game and are worried about a sleepless night then open a decent malt such as The Glenlivet and have two or three decent measures before bo-bos.

Now that's what real football fans do with the cash they save from staying at home to watch it on the telly. That's also why you see so many fat tattoed men walking about in replica Ingerlund shirts that are so tight they look like whole body tattoos.

But the strangest warning from a nannying organisation this year is to wives and girlfriends. They are basically being told to leg it if Ingerlund lose because they are liable for a bit of domestic violence. Bollocks! The thing with multi-racial Britain is that whoever beats Ingerlund, there is always some Johnny from foreign parts to batter rather than your loved ones.

For example my neighbour is a Yank, now he'd better hope for a good Ingerlund result on Saturday night. Meanwhile Mrs B is desperately trying to find an Algerian living locally for next Wednesday, just in case.

John Cooper Clarke-Majorca

Having organised the insurance for our holiday I needed some light relief, dealing with insurance is always such a pain, and got thinking about the Salford Bard and Majorca. Here it is:



But then again, when on holiday pies are something you do miss:

Halford's Tour Series 2010-Southport

The Tour Series is back and Tuesday night is the Southport leg. If you've never seen professional cycle racing before you really must give this a look, it's really spectacular.

Lancashire Police Are Sick!

At lunchtime I popped into my local Sainsbury's. As I crossed the car park I saw a wreck of a car outside the main entrance to the supermarket. It looked like it had been dropped from the sky, it couldn't have been driven there and it was sealed off by police tape.

When I got up close there was a notice from Lancashire Police warning you that this would happen to you if you drink and drive. It was a police stunt!

What next? The body of a murder victim? Or somebody lay there battered and bleeding after a mugging because the police are crap and waste their time, and our taxes, on sick stunts instead of doing a proper job?

It's enough to drive you to drink.

Falling Down or Cracking Up?

The 1993 Michael Douglas film Falling Down was one of those films that leaves a deep impression, or at least it did on me. Modern life just ground him down until he snapped and went on the rampage.

I don't know why the man in Cumbria did what he did yesterday but I sense a lot of people getting more than a little frustrated with modern life. That is not to excuse his actions in any way, they can't be excused, and maybe he has had some particularly tragic event in his life that drove him to it, I don't know. What I do know is that people are becoming increasingly angry at the modern way of life and, eventually, something must give. Let's look at a typical day or two.

Before you go to work you have to make a phone call about your utility bill being an estimated £5,000 for the last quarter. You get some ridiculous message about calls being monitored and recorded for training and quality purposes. Then you get a list of umpteen options with numbers to press for the one you need. Five options sound like they could be for you but you're not sure, so you press star and go back to the start. You press option five for the annoying message that tells you how they value your call but not enough to be arsed recruiting enough staff, so you will be in the queue until an operator becomes available. You then listen to Greensleeves for half an hour with a voice breaking in every minute to tell you you're in a queue.

Eventually you get those ridiculous security questions: What day of the week were you born? What colour underpants are you wearing? Do you prefer jam or marmalade on your toast? And finally what size hat do you take?. They then tell you that you have come through to the wrong department and you get plonked in another queue. So you decide to bugger off to work and sort the bill out another time.

On the way into the office you see the 40mph sign ahead on your deserted country road so build up your speed. In your rear mirror you see a blue light and pull into the next layby. Britain's equivalent of Chips, albeit with a Lancashire accent, struts up in his shades and patronisingly asks if you're in a hurry. Mumbling "for fuck's sake" under your breath is dangerous and gets you a twenty minute lecture on scraping bodies off motorways because of speeding motorists. So you grovel to shut him up, take your ticket and bugger off. What a day and you've not reached the office!

You park in a three hour bay because you're late thinking you must remember to move your car at 12-30. You end up with a real gasbag on the phone at 12-15 and it's actually 12-30 as you dash out of the office. You reach the car at 12-35 and the bastard has already ticketted you. You look around but the sod has well and truly scarpered. How do they do that?

You have to go to Manchester the next day and the thought of driving fills you with horror, so you phone to enquire about trains. If you go to Manchester from Lancaster on a Monday it's £30 return. But, if you wear red socks it's £28 on the 08-49. You can have a return fare after 09-00 for £12 but you have to return, via Glasgow, on the 23-59, arriving in Lancaster at 05-59 the following day. If you were born in the morning, before 1970, you get a special discount and so the complexities of the British train prices goes on, and on, and on. You decide to drive.

On the radio you hear that Manchester Airport has been closed after a security alert. It turns out a holidaymaker had tried to take a big bottle of shampoo on the plane. How dangerous! That reminds you of your friend who was driving into the airport with a van full of chemicals for cleaning out various tanks. Security checked him out and confiscated the yoghurt from his lunch box.

As you walk through Manchester from the car park you notice the CCTV cameras everywhere. They are there to protect you but only a few months ago the police put a security cordon around the city centre and searched eveybody entering for a night out. Proof that CCTV doesn't actually work? Then you remember that this is the city where a poor sod was nicked under anti-terror laws for supposedly taking a photo of a manhole cover. After having his computers checked and his film removed from his camera by the police he was released without charge.

You can't help wondering who we need protecting from.

Supporting Israel

Why is it that every Tom, Dick and Harry thinks it's open season on Israel? George Galloway and his ilk go over there stirring the pot while condemning the USA and every other western country for imperialism, now nearly 1000 interfering sods from around the world think it's OK to sail into Gaza with weapons including machetes and guns. It's sad that people lost their lives, and maybe it wasn't the IDF's best ever operation, but I applaud Israel for defending herself.

Those who took part in the attempt to break the Israeli blockade of Gaza are dangerous lunatics with an agenda. If Israel lifted the blockade then Iran would be in a position to start shipping weapons to the Palestinians, as they have done previously, surely that could only escalate the violence. While life may be difficult in Gaza people are not starving. When questions are asked about the military operation it may be a good idea to find out why Turkey allowed the boats to sail in the first place.

I just hope that those condemning Israel today aren't the same people who so often wish that our government stood up for us a bit more robustly.

David Laws and the Politics of Hypocrisy

So the new government is no better than the last one. Is anybody really surprised?

Cameron, Osborne and others creeping around fraudster David Laws made me feel nauseous this weekend. A man of integrity? He fiddled his expenses to keep quiet the fact that he is gay. That makes him a stinking hypocrite as well as a fraudster and Cameron and company are no better for defending him.

As well as all that, they look forward to welcoming him back into government when he is ready! How's that for sticking two fingers up at the electorate? I'm sure they could bump David Chaytor and his pals into the House of Lords and give them government positions in the coalition too.

Soldier Boy by Pete Reidy

I was doing some TV extra work this week and it's amazing the people you meet when you do that. This week it was musical people, Billy who plays drums in a band and Mel who was a professional singer before retiring a few years back. You really do meet some interesting and entertaining people doing that kind of work.

On Thursday I heard Billy talking to a fella who'd just written a song and put it on YouTube, so I checked his name and it was Pete Reidy, and the song was called Soldier Boy.

I was working on Friday too so stayed over in Manchester on Thursday night. Today I cranked up the old laptop and had to have a butchers. What a fantastic song, it really sums up the public mood of the time, God bless our troops they make us so proud but bring them home, we don't want the war. For me it is the best protest song I've heard in years, part protest song part tribute to the British forces.

I hope Pete doesn't mind me bunging it on here, I think it deserves as wide an airing as possible:



If you liked it here is Pete Reidy's website

John Prescott and David Laws-Stinking Hypocrites

Let's start with the fat Yorkshire pudding acoss the Pennines in Hull. The slob made himself out to be the archetypal working class hero, a semi-articulate one but so be it. Then Blair, the arch-hypocrite and most patronising scumbag on the planet, made him Deputy Prime Minister.

You don't have to be a genius to see that Labour became the enemy of the so-called 'working classes' many years ago, in fact the day it was founded. But those 'working class heroes' deluded enough to think Labour were worth a vote were also stupid enough to think that Prescott represented Labour's gallant working class conscience. Blair appointed him because he knew how gulible the idiots in the Labour Party are, he thought it gave his authoritarian control freakery a veneer of old fashioned socialist paternalism. Patronising shit!

So Prescott got fatter and fatter on the perks of office, financed by our ever soaring taxes and became the typical decadent slob bureaucrat by shagging his secretary and building up a nice collection of Jags. He then even managed to get caught on camera playing Croquet. Sodding Croquet for God's sake!

But now he's really shown himself up for the hypocritical twat he is by moving up to the House of Lords. It was probably what he had to agree to to be forgiven by Mrs Prescott for playing away.

Then you get the shiny new men of principle in government the Lib Dems and whoops, they're not as clean as they pretend to be, which we all knew anyway, and David Laws complains to the Standards Commissioner about himself. What a pillock, outed as a homosexual because of fiddling his expenses. Who ever expected that to be a consequence of the snouts in the trough expenses scandal?

But what really got me was the fact that Laws is claiming that he only did it so that his sexuality wouldn't be revealed. Now that very admission proves he knew his claims were false and he should resign immediately from the government and be investigated by plod.

But the other big issue around Laws situation is that in 2010 a Lib Dem was scared of admitting his sexuality. If he is such a moral coward he should not be in government. If he thinks most of the public care about his sex life he is deluded and should not be in government. If he was scared of the reaction from within his own party at being outed then the Lib Dems are unfit to be in government. Actually the Lib Dems aren't fit to be in government but I'm sure you take my point.

So these two examples prove one thing about our coalition government. It's business as usual.

Babies For Sale in Lancashire!

We'll have a boy and a girl please. About 3 months old, twins preferably.

Actually I think they should word their advertising board for a sale of baby clothes and stuff a bit more clearly. Wording it like that they are likely to get dragged off by social services never to be seen again, even with our new enlightened coalition replacing the Stalinist New Labour project.

Or is there something sinister happening a few miles down the road in Morecambe and Lancaster?

Caroline Flint-Another Deluded Politician

This morning I heard Caroline Flint MP, former Europe Minister, whining about the new government and claiming that DNA databases and CCTV surveillance were actually there to preserve our freedom, not to destroy it. She still doesn't realise that turning Britain into prison island was a large part of the reason Labour lost on May 6th.

I've just found yet another superb article about this on Big Brother Watch.

Well worth a look.

Snow Frolic from Love Story-Francis Lai

It's well worth a listen in my humble opinion.

British Airways: Let's Do The Timewarp

It seems that senior Unite figures, Unite being one of the last dinosaurs roaming the Earth, are accepting that British Airways are about to defeat the union and hopefully wreck it once and for all in the process.

The last few months have shown the lemming like quality of certain neanderthals in what remains of the Trade Union movement, it's like being in a 1970s timewarp. The country is in the shit, British Airways are in the shit so the cabin crew, extremely well paid compared to many in other airlines, go on strike. How very 1970s.

At weekend it came to light that Derek Simpson, one of the head neanderthals in Unite, when in vital talks with BA management, was Tweeting updates to the outside world under the table like a naughty schoolboy, which shows how much he really wants to resolve the dispute. It led to scruffy urchins from the Socialist Workers Party, what a contradiction in terms that name is for a political party, raiding the building where the talks were taking place.

Maybe about 1000 years ago there was a need for Trade Unions, but since 1945 they have done nothing but shaft the working class and hold them down. I look forward to the day when people in this country wake up, resign their memberships of Trade Unions and consign the whole lot of them to the waste bin of history.

Up the workers!

News of the World Stings

The Duchess of York is a rough old slapper and like so many people in public life today, has no morals or integrity. So she does a lot for charity, big deal. Her charitable work involves high profile fundraising events in some of the world's best hotels with some of the world's 'most beautiful people'. Useful but not the grinding, emotionally draining charity work that millions of British people do day in, day out.

Having said that am I the only one a bit pissed off with the News of the World trapping people in sting operations? Let's face it if I was offered £500,000 to introduce you to a member of my family I wouldn't think twice.

In fact £50 would probably do the trick!

Lance Armstrong and Le Tour de France

I confess that Lance Armstrong is my all time sporting hero. Anybody who can win Le Tour de France seven times is a sporting genius, to do it after beating testicular cancer puts him up there with the Gods. On top of that he must be the most drug tested sportsman on the planet, but every test he has had has been negative.

But now drug cheat Floyd Landis, who won Le Tour in 2006 but became the first winner to be stripped of the title after testing positive, is pointing the finger, yet again, at Lance. This after it took Landis four years of wasting millions of dollars trying to clear his name before finally admitting that he actually is a drug cheat. The story appeared in today's Sunday Times.

I'm not a great one for conspiracy theories but Le Tour kicks off in a few weeks and there are high hopes that Britain's impact on this year's Tour could be groundbreaking. Bradley Wiggins is riding for the newly formed British outfit Team Sky with millions of pounds and some of cyclings finest coaches, riders and technicians we all hope that they will provide a British winner, if not this year then pretty soon.

Lance was on the podium last year when he came back, pretty under-prepared, from retirement. Surely Sky/Sunday Times wouldn't be involved in a dirty tricks campaign against Lance Armstrong. Would they?

The following is taken from a statement released by Lance's team, Team RadioShack:

"When no one in cycling capitulated to his numerous but persistent false threats, demands and rants, Floyd Landis publicly aired the false and incredible concoctions he has been privately making for years.

"In levelling these false and baseless accusations, Landis provided selected emails to multiple journalists in connection with his public statements on Wednesday evening. What was not conveyed were descriptions of the threatening text messages from Landis to others, including Lance Armstrong, that began more than two years ago.

"Most recently, and it was no coincidence that shortly after Landis was informed he and his team were unable to enter and compete in the 2010 Tour of California, Landis and his team owner sent emails to a variety of parties, including Amgen, the race sponsor, and to the president of Trek Bicycle, an Armstrong and RadioShack corporate sponsor.

"Landis later communicated directly with Armstrong and threatened to ‘say directly that I’m going to accuse you and our former team mates of using blood doping and performance enhancing drugs to help you to win the three Tours de France in which we raced together’. Armstrong’s response to Landis was identical to the responses to the same type of threatening text messages received from Landis two years ago — there would be no consideration, money, team positions or anything else given in exchange for not airing false accusations.

"The public has taken them for what they are worth — absolutely nothing."

Why not visit Lance Amstrong's charitable foundation Livestrong

For what it's worth I would love to see Lance Armstrong and Bradley Wiggins as joint winners this year!! OK, we can all dream.

Margarita Pracatan sings New York, New York on the Clive James Show

This is fantastic and is from 1996, which is frightening, it seems like yesterday. I bet she does a mean version of Yesterday too actually!

Diane Abbott!

When Diane Abbott throws her hat in the ring for the Labour leadership you know you're having your leg pulled.

Would any sane person vote for that misfit after seeing her cringe inducing performances with Portillo sucking up to prat of the year Andrew Neil on This Week?

Go on Labour members, I dare you, really finish your party off and vote for her.

Paraguay

In the 1990s we spent a few happy weeks in Paraguay. It was then in the last throws of military dictatorship, with General Rodriguez about to hand over to democratic government following the overthrow of Alfredo Stroessner. One Asuncion hotel in our South American Handbook carried a warning not to take an east facing room, as these looked onto the presidential palace and were liable to be hit by ricocheting bullets during attempted coups. Happy days.

Last month Alberto Cantero died. In the 1970s he was Stroessner's political chief in the Paraguayan national police. I'm sure you know what that involved. It was hoped that before he died he would inform the authorities where the graves of political prisoners from the Stroessner regime were located. Sadly he didn't, but another link to Paraguay's dictatorial past has now gone.

To balance that below is a song from popular Paraguayan singer Silvia Mariella. And good luck to Paraguay in South Africa, even though their training camp in France has just been robbed. Bloody French!

Libertarian v Fabian

The following has appeared on several other blogs so I'm not claiming it as my own. I'm reproducing it because it's good for a giggle, and quite accurate.

Libertarian / Fabian Explained


If a Libertarian doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a Fabian doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Libertarian is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Fabian is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Libertarian sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A Fabian wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a Libertarian is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Fabian is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a black person is Libertarian, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their Fabian counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a Libertarian is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Fabian demands someone take care of him.

If a Libertarian doesn’t like a TV programme, he changes channels.
Fabians demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a Libertarian is an athiest, he doesn’t go to church.
A Fabian non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)

If a Libertarian decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Fabian demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Libertarian slips and falls over, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a Fabian slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he’s in labour and then sues.

If a Libertarian reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Fabian will delete it because he’s “offended”.

Thank you to whoever originated it.

Harriet Harman's A Bitch!

At lunchtimeI heard Harriet the Harridan being interviewed on the radio. She was whining about how Labour have around 80 wimmin MPs but the Tories only have about 40. Well yippidee you stupid old harpy, perhaps that's why you just got well and truly walloped in a general election. But I doubt it.

Interestingly there doesn't look like being any wimmin in Labour's leadership election. But she reassured us that she would remain Deputy Leader, good enough reason not to vote Labour next time too then.

She then whined on about the reasons for Labour losing the election, claiming it was Lord Ashcroft's cash and the newspapers 'wot did for us'. Nothing to do with bombing the shit out of countries throughout the world, turning Britain into a police state and bankrupting us then? And of course coverage of Gordon the Cyclops calling a little old lady a bigot was pure media hostility.

Talk about being in denial.

Too Few Wimmin in the Cabinet-Who Cares?

A few rancid feminists have been whining about too few wimmin in the cabinet. Do you really want the likes of Hazel Blears, Harriet Harperson etc. ruling over you? Thought not.

Personally I don't give a shit how many wimmin, blacks, homosexuals or invalids are in the cabinet as long as they are good at the job. For once I think Libby Purves thinks similarly according to this article.

Oh no, Ant and Dec Miliband! Or the Boys from Brazil.

Somebody is taking the mickey now. Look at these two going for the Labour Party leadership:




After these two became Prime Minister and Deputy Prime Minister:



Who look just like Ant and Dec below:



Or are the top two the PM and Deputy and the...........? Oh stuff it.

The big question is whether or not our taxes pay for the laboratory that produces these clones!

Respecting Each Other

There has been a story in the news this week about a school in Ellesmere Port and a visit to a local mosque. The mosque sent the school a guide to dress and behaviour on their visit as the pupils were not muslim but Roman Catholic. I don't see a problem there, fair enough. I've visited Jewish sites in Europe and been asked to wear a skull cap, I was happy to do that, it's about respect.

But one mother in Ellesmere Port refused to dress her daughter 'modestly' to visit the mosque. Consequently the girl wasn't allowed on the trip and was marked as truant as her mother effectively refused to let her attend.

The mother declared that she refused to dress her daughter as requested as she is Catholic not muslim. Well I'm also a Catholic and believe that respect for other peoples' customs and religious beliefs come higher up the christian agenda than dress code.

There is a thin line between protecting your own beliefs and values and downright bigotry.

Ant and Dec Form New Government!

It really is confusing!

Coalition Government

Nick Clegg-Political Prostitute!

If you were dim enough to think the Lib Dems were any different I hope you've learnt otherwise over the last few days. They are the worst sort of political tarts, opportunists and and miscreants in British politics. Their leader has shown himself to be a self-seeking political prostitute.

Clegg's behaviour over the last few days makes even Jacqui Smith and David Chaytor look principled. Remember those two?

I was dreading the prospect of a second election this year but hope it now happens and the Lib-Dims get an even bigger kick up the arse than they got on May 6th, the patronising hypocrites.

More Labour Party Bollocks!

Senior, maybe senile Labour members, seem to have completely lost the plot judging by this article from Roy Hattersley.

Just two quotes from it sum it up:

"I am a great admirer of Peter Mandelson".

I've never been a believer in euthanasia but sometimes....

Then there's this utter bollocks:

"Making Labour a genuine libertarian party again...."

I thought that you once had to actually be something to become it again. Or maybe Hattersley just doesn't know what libertarianism is. Either way he's only fit for the knacker's yard now obviously.

Nick Clegg-The Breakup of the UK?

The more I see of Nick Clegg the more I dislike him. It's ironic that a TV journalist referred to him as Nick Cameron this morning, the only argument is which of the two is most vacuous. Cameron and Clegg become ever more like Ant and Dec, except Ant and Dec have some talent.

One of the arguments used by critics of PR is that it leads to coalition/weak government and months of backroom dealing after elections to agree on the weak government. Do they mean like this we are suffering at the moment? The sight of a loser like Clegg, leading a party that lost seats at the election, sanctimoniously lecturing us, the electors, on what he intends to do for our good makes me extremely pissed off and angry.

This the party that says, in rural constituencies that they oppose the hunting ban, and in urbans that they support it. The party that was desperate to join the Euro on day one, until the shit hit the fan. Now they claim to only want to join 'if the circumstances are right'. The party that wants to give an amnesty to hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants. The party whose leader, before the election, declared himself and his party not to be kingmakers, we were the kingmakers he said. Then get talking to the Tories and nobody else you bloody hypocrite. Whatever the outcome I suspect we will be in just as much shit as we were under Brown. Except the scummy Lib Dems will be strutting about like political peaccocks.

But if the Lib Dems were megalomaniac enough to form some kind of alliance with Labour and the Celtic Fringe we could kiss the UK goodbye. We English have tolerated and overindulged the Welsh, Scots and Irish for too long. For the English, who have overwhelmingly voted Conservative yet again, to have a ragtag army of losers like that lording it over us would surely be the final straw. Blair's devolution began the process of break up, that would surely light the blue touchpaper of English nationalism and see the English finally say enough is enough, let's go it alone.

New Government Announced-Shoplifters!

Whatever the occasion Morrissey seems to have said something pithy and to the point. At least shoplifters weren't planning a future war last night on Channel 4!



As long as they are bickering about the keys to No 10 they're not passing even more oppressive legislation against us. It might be nice if they don't agree on a course of action until May 2015, a bit of peace for us.

Hazel Blears MP

I have often attacked the verminous little turd with a carrot top known as Hazel Blears. She's a minging, unprincipled little gravy train sponger who really should be shot. However there seems to be 16,655 dickheads in Salford who are stupid enough to vote Labour and re-elect the little parasite.

Up yours Salford, never again will I spend a penny in Salford whether that be in a public lavvie or watching Salford RLFC (now known as Salford City Reds), or even visiting the Lowry. If you're stupid enough to vote for her then wallow in your own filth.

Labour Party Fascists

At the local election count in Manchester yesterday I was approached by John Flanagan, the victorious Labour candidate. He informed me that he would be making his victory speech then everybody would be walking out in protest at the presence of the BNP candidate and his agent. He assumed that we would be following him, they're like that in Manchester Labour fascists, they assume that they say jump and you ask how high. I notice they didn't boycott the whole election though!

However, I politely informed him that the Libertarian Party believe in democracy and free speech, even for those we disagree with, and that neither I, the candidate nor our other supporter present would do any such thing.

We stayed behind after the others left and had a good chat to the Lib Dems, who didn't walk out either to their credit. One of the Lib Dems was also an ex-UKIP member who saw sense. I don't think the BNP even realised there had been a walkout.

We didn't get 'Citizen Stuart' elected but we did have a small victory over the forces of Labour fascism.

Ed Alleyne-Johnson in Chester

In the middle of the general election we took a night off and I had a break in Chester with Mrs B. Ed Alleyne-Johnson absolutely blew us away, what a talent. It is worth a visit to Chester just to spend some time listening to this fella busking.

Geraldine Smith MP for Morecambe and Lunesdale

Sorry about the title, she is now 'Geraldine Smith of Morecambe'. You see she lost her seat yesterday to the Conservatives.

Good riddance you vindictive, ill educated old bag.

For more on her click on the 'Geraldine Smith' label below, I've blogged a few times about her.

Lord Pearson Was Right About UKIP!

Lord Pearson, UKIP's leader, was absolutely right in urging people to vote for anybody but UKIP candidates. I apologise for doubting his sanity.

About 5-30 yesterday morning the result was declared in the Meriden constituency and the UKIP candidate couldn't be bothered turning up. You may remember him, pictured above in his now famous masturbation t-shirt. Although I think he'll find masturbating on a 53 bus trundling down Cheetham Hill Road may lead to him being interviewed by plod.

What was bizarre at the declaration in Meriden was that John Ison, UKIP's Solihull candidate, tried to impersonate his pal Barry by lining up with the Meriden candidiates for the announcement, he should have worn Barry's t-shirt, it would have suited him and made him less conspicuous. I can only assume he'd imbibed too much Red Bull or Pro Plus because he then turned to me, sweating and eyes bulging and hissed, from the corner of his mouth: "Beaten by a wanker, beaten by a wanker, beaten by a wanker". I can only assume that he was, as Barry Alcock's right hand, pleased with the result.

It then got more bizarre, drawing quizzical looks from other candidates and agents, when he started hissing at me: "I know you're Junius, I know you're Junius" repeating it several times in the style of the school playground. An even more bizarre individual than Barry Alcock it seems.

If you are unaware Junius writes the blog Junius on UKIP. He does it anonymously, I have no idea who he/she is, but he obviously sends UKIP members into a wild frenzy of anger leading them to see Junius in everybody they see as an opponent. A sure sign of madness.

Maybe Junius posted yesterday from a hospital bed in Oxford. Then again maybe not.

Statement by the Catholic Bishops of England and Wales

The following statement was read out at Mass today by priests throughout England and Wales:

Child abuse in the Catholic Church has been such a focus of public attention recently, that we, the Bishops of England and Wales, wish to address this issue directly and unambiguously.

Catholics are members of a single universal body. These terrible crimes, and the inadequate response by some church leaders, grieve us all.

Our first thoughts are for all who have suffered from the horror of these crimes, which inflict such severe and lasting wounds. They are uppermost in our prayer. The distress we feel at what has happened is nothing in comparison with the suffering of those who have been abused.

The criminal offences committed by some priests and religious are a profound scandal. They bring deep shame to the whole church. But shame is not enough. The abuse of children is a grievous sin against God. Therefore we focus not on shame but on our sorrow for these sins. They are the personal sins of only a very few. But we are bound together in the Body of Christ and, therefore, their sins touch us all.

We express our heartfelt apology and deep sorrow to those who have suffered abuse, those who have felt ignored, disbelieved or betrayed. We ask their pardon, and the pardon of God for these terrible deeds done in our midst. There can be no excuses.

Furthermore, we recognise the failings of some Bishops and Religious leaders in handling these matters. These, too, are aspects of this tragedy which we deeply regret and for which we apologise. The procedures now in place in our countries highlight what should have been done straightaway in the past. Full co-operation with statutory bodies is essential.

Now, we believe, is a time for deep prayer of reparation and atonement. We invite Catholics in England and Wales to make the four Fridays in May 2010 special days of prayer. Even when we are lost for words, we can place ourselves in silent prayer. We invite Catholics on these days to come before the Blessed Sacrament in our parishes to pray to God for healing, forgiveness and a renewed dedication. We pray for all who have suffered abuse; for those who mishandled these matters and added to the suffering of those affected. From this prayer we do not exclude those who have committed these sins of abuse. They have a journey of repentance and atonement to make.

We pray also for Pope Benedict, whose wise and courageous leadership is so important for the Church at this time.

In our dioceses we will continue to make every effort, working with our safeguarding commissions, to identify any further steps we can take, especially concerning the care of those who have suffered abuse, including anyone yet to come forward with their account of their painful and wounded past. We are committed to continuing the work of safeguarding, and are determined to maintain openness and transparency, in close co-operation with the statutory authorities in our countries. We thank the thousands who give generously of their time and effort to the Church’s safeguarding work in our parishes and dioceses.

We commit ourselves afresh to the service of children, young people and the vulnerable in our communities. We have faith and hope in the future. The Catholic Church abounds in people, both laity, religious and clergy, of great dedication, energy and generosity who serve in parishes, schools, youth ventures and the care of elderly people. We also thank them. The Holy Spirit guides us to sorrow and repentance, to a firm determination to better ways, and to a renewal of love and generosity towards all in need.

This statement appears on the webite of the Catholic Church.

Prayers for Reparation and Atonement.

Postal Voting

I've had it with postal voting. Normally you give voting some thought, get into the polling booth and stick a coss on the ballot paper. The deed is over and done with in seconds. With a postal ballot the envelope sits there, unopened for days while you think about it.

Conservative? Vacuous Dave and the chance of silly George, the one Dave has hidden in this campaign, becoming Chancellor of the Exchequer? Scary.

Labour? Enough said.

Green Party? Leather patches and dandruffy beards? If I want to vote far left I will thank you.

Liberal Democrat? An in/out referendum on the EU sounds good. But up to now Nick has promised to join the Euro, not join the Euro and to join if circumstances are right. Then he wants to grant illegal immigrants an amnesty. Then he calls his kids things like Jose Maria Clegg, Juan Antonio Clegg and Francisco Santa Maria Clegg, making them sound like an an Anglo-Spanish version of 'Last of the Summer Wine'. Why didn't he just take his Spanish wife's name or call them Compo and other Yorkshire names?

Then I had UKIP on the ballot paper. But my old friend Nigel was on the election address and somebody I've never heard of was on the ballot paper. On top of that their party leader has told everybody to vote Tory or Labour.

So, until the state dicates that I have to do it by post, I will be cancelling my postal vote for future UK elections. Doesn't matter in EU elections because I don't intend voting in them.

Gordon Is A Moron

Gordon Brown is officially an idiot. The Prime Minister didn't have the bottle to tell a 66 year old widow that he disagreed with her for questioning the levels of immigration into the UK, a concern for many millions of people in the country. Instead he schmoozed her then called her a bigot in the safety of his car, forgetting that he still had a mic on. What a statesman!

So this one's for you Gordon:

Putting UKIP In Perspective

UKIP just don't understand politics. They constantly whine about not getting a fair crack of the whip, then go out of their way to alienate the media and the public.

The disastrous Lord Pearson thinks that as leader, he should be on Thursday night's leadership debate with the old three party leaders. He really is certifiable and should be kept well clear of the public, let alone the media.

Last June Paul Nuttall, when elected MEP in the North West, flounced off the platform rather than share it with Nick Griffin of the BNP, who had also been democratically elected to the European Parliament.

Next Fred McGlade throws a tantrum and refuses to join a hustings meeting in Lancaster on behalf of UKIP because the BNP have not been invited.

Tonight, here in Birmingham, I have started watching the BBC regional election debate. Guess what? UKIP are boycotting because they are not being given 'equality' with the old three party representatives. They don't want to sit with the other parties who have no MPs so haven't bothered.

Last night we had a hustings meeting in Meriden constituency with over 200 attending. Where was the UKIP candidate? Nowhere to be seen, maybe washing his masturbation t-shirt, I don't know.

Maybe they are already preparing excuses for bombing yet again in UK elections. But when they blame the media look at their media stupidity.

UKIP Must Be Joking

I just had to check what I heard on the radio is correct, UKIP are threatening legal action if their leader, Lord Pearson, isn't included in Thursday night's leaders debate.

Surely judging by his recent performances they would be well advised to only take legal action to ensure he doesn't appear in the leaders debate.

Nikki Sinclaire in Meriden.

It's been a long hard day slogging the streets of Meriden, but really worthwhile. The response to Nikki has been fantastic.

Last night we were at a hustings in Knowle, in the southern part of the constituency, where there must have been over 200 people present. The BNP candidate was thick, the Green candidate very pleasant, but 'dippy' might be the best word to describe her, and the Lib Dem was decidedly lacklustre. Nikki did very well and was well received on all issues.

Today has been in the northern half of the constituency slogging around estates and in and out of blocks of flats. But again the response has been fantastic, so much so that Nikki is quoted on Ladbrokes at 50-1 with Labour on 20-1. Sadly the Tories are still way ahead as odds on favourites. The BNP and UKIP are stuck on 100-1 alongside the Greens.

Despite all this foot slogging I suspect there will be little weight loss with full English breakfasts every morning and a chicken Madras every night.

Rosie Bites Back

A new blog has been launched by a woman! Rosie's Forum.

These wilful women, I don't know.

Libertarian Party Endorses Nikki Sinclaire in Meriden

I am pleased to say that the Libertarian Party has endorsed Nikki's campaign here in Meriden. Over a pleasant lunch Nikki and I met the LPUK's Deputy Leader and had a very interesting meeting.

As a libertarian Nikki found it impossible to remain a part of UKIP's grouping in the EU parliament, which largely consists of right-wing authoritarians and assorted oddballs. In standing up and being counted, not wishing to be associated with homophobes, Holocaust deniers and anti-Semites, Nikki had the UKIP whip withdrawn. She has since been undemocratically run out of UKIP and is standing in Meriden as an independent under the banner of the Solihull and Meriden Residents Association.

Vote Nikki

Libertarian Party

Happy St George's Day

UKIP Lose the Plot

Standing a clown (Barry Allcock above) against Nikki Sinclaire in Meriden has seriously backfired on UKIP. The reaction here in the constituency is universally "are they mad?". But when it comes to scoring own goals UKIP are the creme de la creme. Let's face it, they elected the clown Lord Pearson as leader a few months ago!

Here is how UKIP boosted our campaign in Meriden by getting us this excellent coverage in the Birmingham Post:

Eurosceptic party UKIP has continued a bitter war against one of its own MEPs by standing a rival candidate against her in the general election.

Nikki Sinclaire, who was elected as a UKIP member of the European Parliament last year, is standing in Meriden as the candidate of the Solihull and Meriden Residents Association.

But her opponents will include Barry Allcock, who is standing as the official UKIP candidate.

Ms Sinclaire said she was “astonished and disappointed” that UKIP was standing against her.

The row is the latest twist in a long-running disupte between Ms Sinclaire and the party she still belongs to.

UKIP was ecstatic when Ms Sinclaire was elected as their second West Midlands MEP last June. It meant the party had beaten both Labour and the Liberal Democrats, which each returned only one MEP in the region.

But the celebrations were short-lived, after she publicly condemned UKIP’s decision to join a group in the European Parliament called the Europe of Freedom and Democracy group, which includes right-wing parties from across the EU.

She claimed that some of the parties involved, from other European countries, supported anti-Semitism and violence.

As a result, UKIP withdrew the party whip, which means Ms Sinclaire is now officially an independent MEP. However, she continues to be a member of the party.

UKIP’s national executive also sacked her as the party’s general election candidate in Meriden. But she stood anyway, as a candidate of new party Solihull & Meriden Residents’ Association, which cites its ethos as “restoring political power to local people.”

Ms Sinclaire said UKIP had broken its own rules by standing against her.

She said: “My views on Britain’s membership of the EU is widely known, this is another breach of trust and discredits the stated policy of not standing against known eurosceptics.”

A UKIP spokesman said: “We have candidates standing in all constituencies in the region except Aldridge-Brownhills, where there was already a eurosceptic candidate, and Nuneaton, where our candidate had to pull out.”

Here is the original article.

Nikki Sinclaire Campaign Update-Barry Allcock Stands for UKIP

Nikki's campaign is going extremely well, so much so that UKIP have decided to put up a candidate against us. Of course this is an incredibly spiteful move as UKIP are standing down candidates against Tory and Labour Eurosceptics and Stuart Wheeler's Trust Party.

Are we bothered? Not now we've seen the following photograph of Mr Allcock. We only hope it isn't going on his election address!

Which UKIP Candidate?

In the Morecambe and Lunesdale constituency we received our UKIP election address urging us to vote for Nigel Brown. But when the candidates were declared on the Lancaster City Council website the declared UKIP candidate is Mark Andrew Knight. Both appear as the candidate on different parts of the UKIP website.

Who knows, maybe Nigel got cold feet when he saw this now notorious video of Party Leader Lord Pearson on The Campaign Show. Jon Sopel's expression is priceless!

Then again maybe Nigel stood down when the Lib Dems announced their promise of an in/out referendum on membership of the EU. Surely according to UKIP's policy of not standing against Labour or more importantly, Tory Eurosceptics, they should now stand down against Lib Dem candidates? After all, the Lib Dems in a hung parliament are more likely to deliver UKIP's desired referendum than half a dozen misfits in the other parties, even if the Lib Dems aren't Eurosceptic.

Country before party, surely?

UK Airspace Re-Opens

General Election-Campaigning with Nikki Sinclaire in Meriden

Blogging will be light for the next couple of weeks as I will be working hard with a great team on Nikki Sinclaire's campaign in Meriden. To give you a flavour here am I (the porky one) campaigning with Nikki, Josh and others in Solihull Town Centre on Saturday.

And Gary has discovered the best curry house in England to sustain us after a hard day's campaigning.

General Election

Here was me thinking I would be having a nice quiet general election when the phone rings. As a consequence I am now sat in an office in Birmingham working as agent for general election candidate Nikki Sinclaire who is an independent MEP standing in the Meriden constituency on the SAMRA ticket.

Shame she's not standing in Morecambe and Lunesdale, I might have been able to vote for somebody then. As it is it looks like I won't be able to bring myself to support any of the misfits I am currently aware of, Tory, Labour, Lib-Dims, Greens and UKIP in my constituency, so will be spoiling my ballot paper.

Happy days

Hazel Blears-The Bitch is Back

Driving down to the Midlands this morning I thought I'd gone back in time, it was scary. Listening to the BBC the interviewer asked a question and I thought I heard Hazel Blears (left) respond. Surely not? But yes it was, gassing off as if she was a real person instead of the gobby, lying little freak she is.

Since she was exposed as a main player in the expenses scandal she has, sensibly, kept a low profile. But the bitch is back. This morning she was claiming that people on the doorsteps aren't bothered about the expenses scandal. I can just imagine a big hard Salford lad politely chatting to her then closing the door, when asked by his wife who it was he'll reply: "That cheeky little, thieving carrot topped bitch Blears. She thinks we'll actually vote for her the deluded bitch. She's gone off all smiling the cow!"

She further claimed that politicians have always been regarded as scum. Nobody has ever been regarded as lowly as this current batch you thick cow, and you're the lowest of the low.

If you're disillusioned with the three old parties then watch tonight's leaders' debate. And you'll really despair.

Broken Britain?

A young slapper called Ellie Gellard has been in the news this week, goes to show what a useless bunch of prats our politicians are if that pathetic little attention seeker gets national publicity. But for some bizarre reason Gordon Brown had her sat next to him at their manifesto launch, despite her calling for him to resign not too long ago. Maybe he was right not to listen to a 20 year old idiot who thinks Britain isn't 'broken'. But why have her sat up there on the podium? Because Gordon the Moron is desperate and wants to show how they all love him really, and he has united them.

In fact that summarises nicely British politics at the moment. What can you say when a nothing like Vince Cable is about to be sainted as some kind of financial and economic messiah? Maybe even Chancellor of the Exchequer if we have a hung parliament after May 6th? That really would be time to shift all your savings and other assets safely away to Zimbabwe for example!

Yesterday I was off the campaign trail on family business in East Manchester. In the area now called Eastlands, much to the annoyance of locals born and raised in Miles Platting and Bradford, the council estates built in the 1960s are being demolished. Those who bought under Right to Buy are now having their homes compulsorily purchased way below market value. Many of the deck access flats built in Hulme, Ardwick and Beswick in the 1960s have already long since been demolished. Communities were wrecked to make way for those developments, and now they are being split asunder yet again. And Labour talk of 'community'. They are the wreckers of communities.

A huge model comprehensive was built in Gorton in the 1960s. Now demolished and rebuilt. A Catholic secondary school was built in Gorton in the 1970s. Now demolished and rebuilt. A school for people with 'learning disabilities' was built in Gorton in the late 1970s/early 1980s. Now demolished but not rebuilt. A school built in the 1920s in Gorton, and extended only a few years ago, is about to be demolished and has been rebuilt a few hundred yards away. Another school built in Gorton in the 1970s has been demolished and not rebuilt.

One day we will find out financial the cost of all that nonsense. The social cost of our appalling governments, and I'm going back to before 1997, we can see all around us. The country is in such a mess that I find it increasingly difficult to regard myself as patriotic. It is not just the politicians to blame, the vast majority of the population have sat on their fat lazy arses, waddling away from Coronation Street only to pay homage at the new cathedrals to consumerism and greed such as the Trafford Centre, the Metro Centre or Meadowhall. Then back home to slump in front of their TVs with a bargain bucket of KFC to watch and learn from the Jeremy Kyle Show or Tricia Goddard. Meanwhile the country goes down the pan.

Yesterday I read about an 'ex-soldier' who got £100,000 compensation from the British Army because she couldn't get childcare, being a single mother, so went AWOL.

Then I read how to 'earn' £42,000 a year as a parasite sponging off the taxpayer. No, not by becoming an MP or an MEP, they get even more, this is the story of a family on Anglesey. The father realised he would be better off packing in work and sponging off us. So that's what he has been doing for years. They are now whining about needing a bigger house, paid for by the taxpayer, because the misfits are producing another little parasite to bleed off us.

Don't tell me that the Tories would do any better, they never have, although Margaret Thatcher did a great deal of what was needed, but not quite enough, from 1979 to 1990. Yes, you socialist misfits, she did leave Downing Street 20 years ago so stop obsessing about her. Bloody hell, in 1965 the country had long stopped blaming the Germans for everything and look at the mess they really did create 20 to 30 years earlier!

The Lib-Dems? Don't make me laugh, that shower are so firmly sat on the fence their arses are full of splinters.

UKIP? Do me a favour. Build more prisons is about all they can offer, apart from getting out of Europe. Tell you what, stop slamming people in clink for ridiculous offences and you might be surprised how many prison places you freed up. And don't tell us you are going to slash taxes and massively increase spending. We're not all stupid.

BNP? Let's be serious.

So that leaves the only socialist party fighting the election, the Green Party. I'd have more respect for them if they were honest about their extreme left-wing socialism, instead they disguise it behind claiming we are all about to drown under a melting ice cap if Caroline Lucas doesn't get elected in Brighton. Up against that wall you lot....

What a mess. And I haven't even started on Elizabeth Saxe-Cobourg-Gotha and her bunch of misfits. How apt that we have the matriarch of the most dysfunctional family in the world on the throne. Actually Ellie Gellard does have a look of Phil the Greek about her.

Labour MPs Get Legal Aid (Chaytor, Morley and Devine)

Labour MPs David Chaytor, Elliot Morley and Jim Devine (left) are granted legal aid to defend expenses theft charges.

I was convinced that Labour had shafted the country anyway, now I'm absolutely bloody certain. But what really angers me is the number of thick, idiotic, lunatic, educationally subnormal morons in the UK who will still vote Labour on May 6th.

Communism, Fascism, Racism I Smell a Rat

Frankie Boyle

The wonderful Frankie Boyle is under attack again by the angry brigade of Britain's new puritans.

If you don't know, Frankie Boyle's humour is extremely near the mark, often teetering on the brink of outright offensiveness. But he is hilarious. Now I've never yet bought tickets to a show I think I may not enjoy and anybody buying tickets to a Frankie Boyle show, then getting all offended and pious, should really keep quiet and slink away, you cocked it up, not him.

So, this week a woman with a Down's Syndrome child has hit the headlines for heckling him when his routine included jokes at the expense of people with Down's Syndrome. Most humour is at the expense of somebody else, especially Frankie Boyle's. I can't help wondering if this woman, who has hit the headlines, laughed at all his jokes at the expense of others. In which case she is as guilty as she claims he is. No, actually she's far worse, she's a hypocrite.

If any other sensitive souls with tickets for any of his shows would now prefer not to go, then I will happily buy your tickets as we couldn't get any, it's a sell out tour.

Just in case you don't get the point below is a clip of Frankie Boyle live-it contains a swear word or two!!

Nikki Sinclaire MEP-PPC for Meriden

While UKIP continue to self-destruct amid exposes of sordid film making by its Liverpool Branch chairman, one of its MEPs (Stewart Agnew) informing an undercover reporter that he and another MEP (David Campbell Bannerman) were making illegal payments to their Regional Organiser (Pete Reeve), the only MEP elected last year with any principle, Nikki Sinclaire, was unconstitutionally thrown out of the Party for sticking by her principles and leaving UKIP's far-right EFD Group in the EU Parliament.

However, Nikki has been making a huge impact in the West Midlands as an Independent MEP and has now become the first MEP to publish her fully audited accounts. At a public meeting on Wednesday night in Knowle, in the Meriden constituency, she spoke passionately about her beliefs and to enthusiastic applause announced her intention to fight the Meriden constituency on May 6th.

Following is Nikki's press release announcing her candidacy:

At a public meeting arranged by the Solihull & Meriden Residents Association (SAMRA) in Knowle, on Wednesday April 7th, Nikki Sinclaire MEP declared that she would stand for the Association in the forthcoming General Election against Caroline Spellman, one of a number of MPs hit by expenses scandals, in the Meriden constituency.

Having been elected to the European Parliament in June 2009, Solihull resident Nikki announced the surprise move, pledging her commitment to SAMRA’s ethos of restoring political power to local people.

An outspoken opponent of transfer of power from Britain to Brussels, Nikki has campaigned against sleaze and corruption. “I am the first British MEP to receive a satisfactory audit of my accounts” she said, “and if I am elected to Westminster I will lose my seat in Brussels, and take a £20,000 pay cut. I am not in this for the money; I am in it because I believe in honest and open government.”

SAMRA is campaigning on a number of local issues, including more efficient local governance, protection of the West Midlands Green belt, and is opposed to the further threatened cuts to local hospitals.

Speaking about the proposed high-speed rail link, Trevor Eames of the Solihull Ratepayers Association said “There are important consultations coming up, and for us to have an MP representing our interests rather than those of political parties will put us in a fantastic position. It is about time that local people had their say.”

In a radical move, the Resident’s Association will be fielding candidates in both the general and local elections on May 6.

Nikki is being extremely well received in Meriden and I would keep an eye out for that result on election night, it could be a good one.

General Election-A Sham

It's been a phoney war for months and now it's here. But, assuming a few people bother to go out and vote on May 6th, will we get the government we vote for? I would say no.

In the last election Labour got 36.91% of the popular vote, Conservatives 33.86% and the Lib-Dems got 23.09%.

That resulted in Labour getting 356 seats (55.11%), Conservatives 198 seats (30.65%) and the Lib-Dems 62 seats (9.60%)

In this day and age that doesn't seem fair to me, and that's without looking at the smaller parties.

Penguin Cafe Orchestra

I hope you have all had a peaceful and happy Easter. Had a nice relaxing day with my beloved before the non-stop graft of a general election campaign kicks off. Can't wait for it now!

Time for a bit of music first from the wonderful Penguin Cafe Orchestra with Southern Jukebox Music. Maestro, play on:

Happy Easter

After Mass today Canon Gibson gave us all a chocolate egg. Mine was a caramel egg and it was joy after giving up chocolate for Lent. That's why he is a Canon!!

Happy Easter to all.

Gene Hunt or David Cameron?

Last week the Labour Party scored a spectacular own goal by trundling liar and war criminal Tony Blair out to campaign for them. Now they have scored another own goal by likening Dave Cameron to the ever popular Gene Hunt.

It seems that every day between now and May 6th our politicians will be out to prove how out of touch they are. If Cameron had half the charisma and bluntness of Gene Hunt the Tories would be way ahead in the polls. If Gene Hunt led either party I bet they would win.

Perhaps the Tories will retort with a poster asking if we want Labour to take us back to the 1970s, remember that decade? The decade of the first Gene Hunt series, Life on Mars? If you don't the 1970s were when Labour turned us into an economic basket case. The dead couldn't be buried because of strikes. We had the three day week, for the few workers that weren't on strike most of the decade. We had power cuts because we lacked the resources to light up the country after dark. Even the IMF told us to bugger off. We had the troubles in Ulster and rumours of a coup plot at one stage. Life on Mars was decidedly more appealing than life in the UK in the 1970s under Labour.

At least the 1980s, though tough, got us out of the shit Labour had got us in, a recovery so effective that Brown inherited a great financial legacy, which he promptly squandered. Sound familiar? The difference is the Tory Party today is no different to Labour and Cameron, just like Brown is a big, useless poofter, as Gene Hunt would say.

Phil Cool, Ken Nicol and East Cheshire Hospice

What a great night last night at the home of Lancashire County Cricket Club. Dinners there are always enjoyable, great food, wine and catching up with family and old friends.

Last night was Phil Cool and Ken Nicol performing at a fundraiser for the East Cheshire Hospice.

Ken Nicol's guitar playing was amazing, they both sang some great songs, solo and togeher, were both funny and Phil Cool is still absolutely hilarious. And pots of money raised for a very good cause hopefully.

Lancashire must have produced more top notch comedians than anywhere else in the world.

Scientists and a Good English Breakfast

One thing that really pees me off is scientists making announcements, about things we all knew anyway, as if they're announcing they've just split the atom or found a cure for the common cold. They're at it again, and I'll bet they are extremely well paid for this 'research'.

My mum always used to say that the way to eat healthily was to "breakfast like a king, lunch like a lord and supper like a pauper". A bit like needing a full tank in your car starting out on a long journey then as you approach your destination (or bedtime), you obviously need less fuel. Commonsense. But scientists in Alabama are making news all over the world announcing the bleeding obvious, yet again. Remember scientists? The ones who gave us nuclear bombs, God knows how many viruses from their cocked up experiments, thalidomide, warned us that by 1990 every family would have lost somebody to Aids, that by now the British population would be 29 and falling because of Swine Flu? Well, they've now decided a good breakfast is indeed good for you.

So all those who scamper through town centres in the morning pretending to be so busy they you only manage coffee in a paper cup for breakfast, wise up! You aren't that busy that you can't pop into the greasy spoon for a full English. It's probably only a quid more than a poncey coffee in Starbucks, and you'll be served just as quickly in my experience.

I thnk every penny these 'researchers' have made should go to my mum, they're frauds.